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April 2007 --
Planning & Dealing with the Hiccups
by Steve Hornyak of Thatweddingsite.com
How many times have you thought
or heard.... "I just want everything to be perfect for my wedding"..... ?
Good planning is the key, but while a very noble goal, it can sometimes be a
little unrealistic.
Be sure to take care in the
planning of any of your wedding details. Careful preparation and planning is
crucial for a successful event. Your communication between yourself and your
wedding vendors needs to be consistent and straight-forward. Nothing causes
problems faster than a lack of or bad communication. After every conversation
or meeting with a wedding vendor, be sure to "re-cap" your conversation with
them. Something like "just to reconfirm, you'll have 30 pink carnations
delivered to the church at 10am on the wedding day and it will be $30 additional
on my bill". This gets both of you to acknowledge what you discussed, what you
agreed to, and what the cost is.
Keep Notes-
Nothing is more important than good notes. Each time you speak with a vendor,
jot down a note in a notebook or journal about it. Note the date, time and the
person you spoke with and what the conversation was about. This eliminates any
confusion if a question arises later since you've documented your planning
Be prepared-
Always have a back up plan or idea just in case of emergency. We all hope the
plan goes smoothly, but if not, be prepared. As my dad always taught me....
Hope for the best, but plan for the worst. The hiccups can come at any time.
The Hiccups Set In--
Even with all the preparation and attention to detail... there is bound to be
something at your wedding that doesn't go quite as planned. The secret to a
great day is to take it in stride as much as possible. Some "hiccups" are small
and should be a little inconvenience and a giggle and some are tougher like a
substiture DJ at the last minute, a sick vendor, or a rainy day. Either type
must be handled with grace and priority. Remember, you're on stage to your
guests and they're watching, always act with class. It is YOUR day, and you are
the princess, but you are also the HOSTESS. You set the tone. If something
goes wrong, take a deep breath, clear your thoughts and devise your best
options. Getting overly upset won't fix the problem, it'll only ruin your
day.
The key to a wedding is to
remember that this is the start of a marriage and that marriages come with
challenges, just like weddings. How you handle a problem on your wedding day
will say alot about how you'll handle your marriage.
I know because I've been there.
My wife designed a beautiful cake with fountains, lights, ceramic
figurines. etc for our wedding. It was beautiful and the bakery did a great
job. As they announced us to enter our reception, we heard glass breaking... we
later found out that the breaking glass was when an uninvited child (at our
adult only reception) ran into the table and toppled our cake. We found out
when we went to cut the cake...the look on my wife's face said it all. (I had
never seen the design, but luckily our photographer got a picture before it
crashed). I just whispered in her ear..."if this is the worst thing that
happens to us today, I can live with that, I bet it still tastes like cake".
After a few tears from her, we exchanged our bites of cake and on went the
reception. It was a great night, that could have been ruined by an
overreaction. We took it in stride and laugh about it still. The funny part
was that the reason we had an adult reception was to eliminate the chance that
this family would bring this child. We were right on our prediction, because
they brought the child anyway. Don't let the hiccups ruin your day!
March 2007-- Wedding guest
complaints
Think you're
planning the perfect party? Not so fast. We know what guests
really think about cash bars, waiting for the bridal party to
arrive, late-night drinking, and seating arrangements. To spare
your friends and family the kinds of things that make guests
grit their teeth, some veteran wedding-goers graciously agreed
to tell us what you need to know to make your wedding
rave-worthy.
Receiving Line Traffic Jams
"I hate long
receiving lines. I once went to a wedding with over 300 guests
and I sat in the last row of the church. Therefore, I was also
the last row to leave the church. I had to wait for more than an
hour to get to the receiving line and to exit the church."
--Heidi, 25, Blacksburg, VA
"I dread those receiving lines with about ten people in them,
including the entire wedding party. I suppose it's great for the
very few guests who know the bride and groom's families and all
of their wedding party pals. But most of us just want to
congratulate the couple and their parents. Unfortunately, you
always get stuck making chitchat with a stranger in a bridesmaid
dress who doesn't particularly care who you are, either, while
the people in front of you hug the bride."
--Margaret, 42, Sarasota, FL
Shall We See a Movie?
"I don't like long
pauses between the ceremony and reception, as it is terribly
inconvenient for out-of-town guests."
--Jocelyn, 27, Austin, TX
"If your ceremony ends at 5 p.m. and the reception starts at 6
p.m., you can assume that guests will be heading for the
reception hall immediately following, so maybe it's best to book
the location from 5:30 on. It's so awful to feel like an eager
beaver and just be waiting in the reception hall lobby until the
party officially 'begins.'"
--Amy, 25, Middletown, CT
A Little Mystery Never Hurt
"One thing I didn't
like was seeing the bride before the ceremony. It was totally
anticlimactic when she came down the aisle."
--Sarah, 24, Brooklyn, NY
"I hate when people decorate the pews and altar in their church
after guests are already seated. I have been to two weddings
where I watched the attendants or friends attach flowers and
bows to the pews and set up candles at the altar while all the
seated guests watched. It looked so disorganized and informal."
--Danine, 46, Miami, FL
"I hate it when the bride and her dad or the bride and groom
stop halfway down the aisle for a photo op."
--Frank, 31, Ann Arbor, MI
Nowhere to Run
"I don't like it
when there is no place to sit during the cocktail hour. My
family tends to eat a lot of hors d'oeuvres, and they need a
place to set down plates, drinks, cameras, purses and gift
envelopes.
Also, I went solo to a friend's casual wedding in Atlanta, where
I didn't know anyone but the groom. Since there were no table
assignments, I had literally nowhere to sit. All the seats were
in use or were 'reserved' with jackets and bags."
--Domenica, 27, Kinnelon, NJ
Am I a Cheap Date?
"Guests should never
be expected to pay for drinks. You would never host any other
private party and expect your guests to pay for their own
alcohol."
--Elizabeth, 25, Frederick, MD
"I hate cash bars. It's like sending your wedding present COD."
--Susan, 28, New Fairfield, CT
"I'm sorry, but limited bars are generally a bummer. Ditto for
wine drawn from a tap."
--Liza, 25, Cincinnati, OH
We Like to Party, But...
"My brother-in-law
was so drunk when he gave his best-man speech that he started an
argument with his younger brother, yelling obscenities over the
microphone in front of the entire reception, including my
extremely conservative family. My advice is to get the speeches
over with early, or ask those giving speeches to refrain from
drinking until they have spoken."
--Susan, 29, Charlottesville, VA
"I went to a wedding with my boyfriend and I didn't know his
family very well. I knew they liked to party, and so do I, but I
was really shocked at this reception. They held it at a nice
country club, but people were dancing on the tables, they were
so drunk. They should have closed the bar. I can't imagine how
those people got home."
--Michelle, 36, Raleigh, NC
Don't Strand My Man
"The worst is when
you're in the wedding party and your date doesn't know anyone at
the wedding, and has to sit at a different table than you."
--Jennifer, 28, Chicago, IL
"My husband was the best man in a wedding, and I was seated at
the opposite end of the room while he was with the wedding
party. It felt really strange and awkward."
--Julie, 34, Los Angeles, CA
The Not-So-Great Smoke Out
"I went to a wedding
recently, where, after dinner, the waiters passed out cigars.
About one quarter of the guests took them, and within fifteen
minutes the place was filled with smoke. It was disgusting, and
I left."
--Andrew, 46, Los Angeles, CA
Okay, Break it Up
"Cake-smashing, by
far, is so replete with subliminal messages that I'd so rather
not bear witness to during a wedding that I think it best be
banned. This ritual is uncomfortable to watch, totally
passive-aggressive, and not at all the zany, jocular show the
couple thinks it is."
--Amy, 25, Middletown, CT
"The whole cake-smashing-in-the-face event makes me wonder if
the couple is just getting out their aggressions from all those
pre-wedding quarrels."
--David, 51, Atlanta, GA
The Most Dreaded Dance
"All cheesy music,
including interactive songs like the Macarena and the Electric
Slide, should be banned. Grandma and Grandpa should be spared
the humiliation of having to dance to these musical
abominations."
--Elizabeth, 25, Frederick, MD
"I hate that dorky Chicken Dance. It's not a nice thing to put
your guests through. I have never heard someone say that they
liked everything about a wedding but missed doing the Chicken
Dance; but I have heard people speak with dread about the
impending possibility of being subjected to this 'tradition' at
some point in the night."
--Laura, 30, New York, NY
Who's Running This Show, Anyway?
"I went to a wedding
where we guests were given birdseed when we left the church to
toss at the bride and groom when they made their grand exit. The
trouble was, the couple spent 30 minutes in the church having
their pictures taken, and we were all standing around in the hot
sun holding fistfuls of birdseed. Once the ceremony starts, I
don't think the photographer should stop the action for more
than a few minutes for the rest of the day."
--Ben, 36, Syracuse, NY
The Good News
"I really like it
when a wedding is unique and doesn't follow a 'How To' manual.
It leaves me feeling like I really experienced something, and
will walk away with a memory."
--Vikki, 30, Greensburg, PA
"I love being asked to take part in making a special guest book.
I went to one wedding for which we were each mailed a page to
write in and decorate however we wished, and then to bring to
the wedding to be put in a book for the couple."
--Jessica, 38, Seattle, WA
"The best weddings are the ones that make me cry during the
ceremony. If I cry, I know I have been touched by the couple,
and after that I am just really happy to be there sharing the
whole event."
--Lisa, 33, Philadelphia, PA
"I absolutely love the day-after-the-wedding brunch tradition.
Nothing fancy is necessary, just a chance to see the happy
couple and wish them well without all the fanfare of the wedding
day."
--Beth, 52, Chicago, IL
"I love when the couple welcomes children to the wedding. It's
the biggest family-oriented event of your life, and the kids of
close family and friends should be there. It makes for a happier
occasion."
--Susan, 31, New Fairfield, CT
"Nothing makes a wedding better than a bride and a groom who are
smiling and clearly enjoying themselves. It's completely
contagious."
--Mark, 51, Reading, PA
-- Compiled by Lisa Carse
February 2007
Groom Traditions: Garter Toss
Dos and Don'ts
from Theknot.com
Wondering just how to toss that
little piece of fluff and lace? Read on for our garter toss guide.
Tossing the garter may seem like
a no-brainer, but it can be tricky when your bride is wrapped in that cream
puff of a gown. Luckily, we're here to help with our easy guide to slipping
off that garter and whipping it to your buds.
History
It's believed that the tradition
of tossing the garter dates back to fourteenth-century France. Medieval
French revelers considered pieces of the bride's attire lucky, and guests
would literally rip off pieces of her gown. To defend herself, she began to
throw them her garter! In modern times, her bashful groom does it for her to
fend off those hordes of luck-hungry reception guests.
Legend holds
that the lucky bachelor who gets the garter will be next to get hitched
Significance
Historically, it was said that a
man who gave his sweetheart another bride's garter could guarantee her
faithfulness. Now it's thrown to single men for good luck, and legend holds
that the lucky bachelor who gets the garter will be next to get hitched.
Timing
The garter and bouquet tosses
generally take place near the end of the reception, either before the cake
is cut or just before the couple makes their getaway. The garter is often
thrown after the bouquet is tossed, but tradition dictates that the garter
toss should come first.
Doing it Right
All the single guys should
gather around the bride as she sits on a chair. You (the groom) will then
lift up her skirt (just a bit) to remove the garter. Tip: The garter is
usually placed on the bride's right leg, just above the knee. Don't grope
aimlessly under 20 layers of tulle; if you can't find it right away, ask her
to help (don't worry, it's easier than unclasping a bra).
Once you've located the slippery little critter, ease it off her leg with
your hands (not your teeth) and whip it at the men standing behind
you. If your bride is of the more modest variety, she may choose to remove
the garter herself and demurely hand it to you -- then, whip away! The lucky
garter-catcher poses for a photo and either dances with the winner of the
bouquet toss or slips the garter onto her leg.
January 2007
Inviting Children.... or Not
Deciding whether to
make your wedding guest list adults-only can cause as much stress as planning
the perfect proposal or choosing a gown. On the one hand, you don't want to seem
like the Wicked Witch of the West or Dr. Evil, but on the other, you're not Mary
Poppins or Mr. Rogers, either. The following reasons for inviting and not
inviting kids -- plus our tips for making either scenario run smoothly -- should
help you make up your mind.
THE
KID-FRIENDLY ZONE
There are
plenty of good things about having tiny wedding guests. Here are a few:
 |
It's your wedding day
and everyone's there to honor your new life together. A marriage ceremony is
all about the gathering of family and friends, and having children there will
only add to the special meaning of the day. |
|
Remember when you
were a kid how fun it was to dance with Daddy, or how special it was to carry
the ring down the aisle? Your wedding, too, can create wonderful memories for
kids (and provide them with great stories and props for Show & Tell). |
|
You're dying to meet
your college roommate's four-year-old daughter, but they live across the
country. Or, your aunt has only once had the opportunity to spend time with
your brother's two kids. If you invite these children to your wedding,
everyone can finally enjoy long-overdue introductions and reunions -- not to
mention the fact that the children themselves may form lasting friendships
with one another. |
|
If you or your
fiance(e) have particularly special children in your lives -- a namesake,
nieces and nephews, a godchild -- asking them to be a part of your big day
shows them, and all your other guests, how important they are to you. |
|
If you're a bit shy
of the limelight, a cute flower girl or ring bearer can attract guests'
attention, maybe taking some of the pressure off of you (even if only in your
head!). |
|
If you invite them,
you don't have to deal with guests who are upset because you didn't. |
KID-FRIENDLY TIPS
|
Hire a babysitter to
watch them during the ceremony (have him or her sit with small kids in a
separate room, if necessary). |
|
Set up a children's
table or room at the reception, complete with favors, crayons, coloring books,
small toys, and games. |
|
Ask your caterer to
prepare kid meals so they don't have to eat -- and you don't have to pay for
-- grown-up meals. |
|
Consider hiring
special children's entertainment, such as a caricaturist or clown. The
performance/activity can even take place in another room.
|
|
A
fun item I've seen recently was when a bride did a "candy dance" for the kids
instead of the traditional garter and bouquet traditions.
|
THE KID-FREE ZONE
Okay, so there are also
some downsides to having little ones as guests. Keep these in mind:
|
You want a serious,
intimate ceremony and a reception that's a major party. Kids of any age might
cramp your style. |
|
It's your wedding and
everyone's there to honor you and your fiancé(e) -- the last thing you want is
a freckle-faced flower girl stealing all your "oohs" and "aahs." Yes, there is
the possibility that your thunder will be stolen (if only temporarily), either
as you proceed down the aisle or during the first dance, when some kid
screams, rattles toys/keys, or cutely dances with another kid, pulling all
eyes off of you. If these scenarios send a chill down your spine, think twice. |
|
Money doesn't grow on
trees, and weddings ain't cheap. Kids can be picky eaters, and keeping them
off the guest list avoids wasting costly catered food. |
|
Most children don't
like to (or can't) sit still for any length of time, and when they're forced
to, they're prone to throw fits. As such, you run the risk of having your vows
disrupted by a screaming toddler or ending up with a wedding video that
features five-year-old fighting ninjas. |
|
Parents may have a
better time at the wedding--and stay longer--if they don't have to keep an eye
on their kids. |
|
You can't possibly
invite everyone's children, and picking and choosing would offend the parents
of those who aren't asked to attend. The best way to avoid ruffling feathers
is to not invite any. |
KID-FREE TIPS
|
Make sure the outer
and inner envelopes of your invitations are addressed in such a way that it's
clear children aren't included ("Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Anderson" as opposed to
"The Anderson Family"). If anyone RSVPs with their kids anyway, it's okay to
call and gently explain your preference. |
|
Let close friends and
relatives know about your "no children policy" and ask them to spread the word
to other guests. |
|
If out-of-towners are
bringing children along for the trip, help them to arrange babysitters at
their hotels (many hotels even have a list of recommended sitters). |
|
Stand your ground and
make no exceptions. |
|
If you find yourself
firmly decided one way or the other, you know what to do. If you're on the
fence, you might want to leave the door open to child guests and let their
parents decide whether or not to bring them. Either way, be prepared. |
-- This article is
written by Sue Bruskin Clarke
December 2006
We're Engaged.... Now What???
Planning a wedding is always a very special, very emotional and very involved
task. This is probably the first wedding you've planned and it might be the
first in your family.....so there's no experience in what to do. Below we will
offer a very general guideline to getting started. Pay close attention to items
#1, 2, 3. These are the building blocks of your wedding. Refer back to them as
you're making your plans to make sure it fits with your idea of the perfect
wedding. Of course, there is no single way to plan a wedding, whatever works for
you....go with it. This is just an idea to get started.
-
Talk as a couple about what you want....before talking with others.
Spend some time discussing how big your wedding will be, and how formal. Also
be sure to talk about what you can afford for a wedding and set a budget and
stick to it. Discuss what is most important to each of you, and make a list of
the top 5 items and concentrate your planning efforts there.
-
Talk with family about their thoughts and about their ability to help out
financially. For most couples, this is the most difficult
task...asking your parents and families for money. Believe me when I say that
they aren't surprised, and many families are honored to help their children
take this step...but be realistic. Every family's financial situation and idea
of what's appropriate for a wedding is different. One family may have a rule
of contributing only $1000 for the wedding, where other families want to
contribute all the traditional expenditures for thousand of dollars. Talk with
your family and see what help they can provide. But remember, with their
money, comes their advice.
-
Set a theme, color scheme,
formality, and size of your wedding. Size is the most crucial as it
will dictate which halls, caterers and other items are available to you. The
larger the number, the fewer available options for halls. Most will
accommodate up to 350, but a few in NW Ohio can hold up to 700 guests. The
theme will help dictate the formality as well. Are you a "simple beauty"
person, or do you like all the frills and lace. Colors tend to be seasonal for
choices so consult a few bridal salons for ideas. Also consider the size of
the bridal party. Most limousines will only hold about 8 to 10 people
comfortably...any larger and you'll need 2 or more. Think about this. Also be
sure that each of you have the same amount of people to be in the wedding. If
you have 9 girlfriends and sisters you want to ask, be sure he has 9 friends
or brothers to ask or you'll wind up asking people who really shouldn't be IN
the wedding.
-
Pick the Big 4--- Church/Ceremony Site, Reception Hall, Caterer,
and Photographer
-
Investigate and choose your Honeymoon,
DJ, Video, Flowers, Decorations, and cake
-
Investigate and choose your Invitations
and paper products, transportation and personal options (doves, limos,
fountains, violinist, etc)
-
Stay on track with your budget and your theme/plan. This is the
surest way to have a happy experience planning a wedding. If in doubt,
re-visit #1, #2, and #3. of this list. And don't forget what the day is
about...you...not just the party after.
We
hope this helps as many of you start your planning. Remember, it is only a loose
guide to planning a wedding. You'll find more detailed info at the site in each
category, and we did skip some of the other issues you'll cross along the way.
But most importantly, remember to have fun and expect some surprises...they
always happen... and you can let them ruin your day...or let them make you
laugh.
August 2006
HIRING A CATERER
Many reception halls will
require that your use their caterer or that you select from a list of their
authorized caterers. If you are "shopping" for caterers, this information should
help. Keep in mind that a good caterer should be flexible and eager to work with
you to plan your perfect event. First impressions don't necessarily tell the
whole story, but after your initial meeting ask yourself, "Did I like them?" If
your personalities clash, or if something seems amiss, find someone else. You
won't have time to start from scratch later. Then, after you cover the basics
(Are you available on my wedding day? Can I afford you? Do I like your food?),
don't forget to ask these important questions:
|
Do you have a catering license and liability
insurance? |
|
Can I get some references? |
|
Can I taste your food? |
|
How big are the portions? |
|
Will you provide tables, dinnerware, flatware,
glasses, tablecloths? |
|
Can you help with decorations? |
|
How many service people will be on hand? |
|
Who will be in charge while the meal is served? |
|
What are the hidden costs, such as cake cutting,
overtime, tax and tip? |
|
What are the financial arrangements? |
After meeting and speaking with a few caterers,
compare your notes on each. All the information you gathered should help find
the right caterer for you. 1 big thought to keep in mind..... while it's great
to get someone's personal opinion (a friend or relative) on who they used or
liked..... your tastes may be different than theirs so give it the weight it
deserves in making your decision.
July 2006
TAKING A MOMENT FOR YOURSELF
With all the planning, time, and
effort that goes into planning that perfect wedding.....it's important that the
two of you make sure to set aside some time to spend together.... without the
wedding. A wedding becomes a very involved experience. It may seem at times that
every free evening and weekend is spent on "planning the wedding". Always
remember WHY you are planning this wedding. It is a celebration of the love that
the two of you share. It's a celebration of your wanting to spend every day
together for the rest of your life. Be sure to continue to remember this
throughout your wedding planning. Take time away from your wedding planning. Go
out to dinner...See a movie....Go dancing.... Make sure to keep at least 1 night
each week to spend just enjoying each other, if possible. This is why you fell
in love... and it's why you're getting married. Many of you will go thru the
planning process for 12 to 18 months. It's especially important to make time to
spend together without any wedding planning. You'll be glad that you did.
June 2006
Working the Crowd
There is one little truth that comes with
every wedding reception, You will probably not get a chance to spend a few
quality minutes talking to each of your guests. The reception will keep you busy
with the traditional events such as cutting the cake, the first dance, etc. The
evening goes by quickly, and so do the faces.
The best approach is to prioritize
whom you want to visit with most. For most couples this will be those special
out of town guests, or special friends or relatives that you don't get to see
too often. Put these people in first, to make sure you get your moments. Mind
you, you won't get alot of time with them, but this little one to one time will
make their extra effort to be there worthwhile to them. Once you've visited with
these folks, a great way to work the rest of the room is for the couple to try
and visit from table to table. This will give the most complete coverage of your
wedding guests. Usually right as dinner is ending, and before the ceremonial
items begin is the best time to try and do this. Another great time is during
the "bridal dance" or "dollar dance".
While some of you may not like the idea of people
paying to dance with you, it does provide a special moment with many of your
guests. Inevitably, you will run into someone you don't remember... have a
special signal set up with your new spouse. Example....tugging your ear or a
special word that let's them know..."I have no idea who this is" and let your
new spouse rescue you by introducing themselves. The other person will of course
respond by saying their name. It will hide an otherwise embarrassing moment.
Most importantly, find a little time to spend with your new mate. This is YOUR
day, and sometimes it's hard to remember to take a few moments alone together.
If you are having a large reception (300+) consider a receiving line if you are
concerned with seeing all your guests. This will cut into YOUR time at the
reception, but it will ensure that you get to greet each guest as they arrive
before dinner. If you have any creative suggestions, we'd love to hear them and
share them with your fellow brides and grooms "to be".
April 2006
Etiquette Dilemma
|
Top 3 Etiquette Dilemmas
By Peggy Post
of WeddingChannel.com
1. Including Partners
Partners of invited guests must be included in a wedding
invitation, whether or not they are married, engaged, or living together and
whether or not anyone in the wedding party knows them. Suggesting that
single guests who aren't attached to a significant other bring a date is a
thoughtful gesture, but one that is certainly not required and often not
realistic. A single invitation addressed to both members of a married
couple, or a couple who live together, is sent to their shared address,
while invitations to an engaged or long-standing couple who don't live
together are sent separately, to each address. Envelopes addressed to a
single friend may include "And Guest," indicating that he or she may bring
an escort or friend. If it is possible to obtain the name of the guest, the
name would be included on the invitation to the friend, or a second
invitation may even be sent directly to the date at his or her home address
instead.
Note: Occasionally a single guest will become engaged or
reunite with a separated spouse after the invitations have been mailed. In
that case it is perfectly correct for the bride or groom to extend a verbal
invitation to the guest's friend or spouse.
2. Guests Who Ask to Bring a Guest
The answer is straightforward: It is impolite of a guest to
ask if he can bring a date -- but it is not impolite of you to refuse. You
may certainly answer no. However, if you do discover that they are engaged
or living together, the thing to do is invite your friend's partner, whether
verbally or by invitation.
3. Sending Invitations to Out-of-Town Guests Who Can't Possibly Attend
Apply careful thought. Many people prefer not to send
invitations to those friends and acquaintances who they feel cannot possibly
attend the celebrations. They believe that doing so makes it look as if they
are merely inviting those friends in order to receive a gift. In most cases
these friends should receive a wedding announcement instead, which carries
no obligation whatsoever.
There is the flip side to this dilemma. Some good friends who live far away
might actually be hurt if you do not send invitations, even if your intent
was to spare them from feeling obliged to send a gift for a wedding so far
away. These friends, upon hearing news of your engagement, may actually have
been making plans to travel to your wedding. In general, always invite truly
good friends -- even if they live far away.
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March 2006
The Right Tux for Your Body Type
by Peter Post of WeddingChannel.com
As she walks down the aisle, all
eyes are on the bride, her gown, her glow. But once the ceremony begins, she’s
sharing a double bill with you, the groom, and your tuxedo should be a perfect
fit.
The bottom line is that you can’t overestimate the importance of finding a suit
that fits you well, so don’t borrow one or drag out the senior prom tux.
Instead, go to a proper tux store and work with the tailor. When you’re wearing
a suit that fits right, you’ll feel more comfortable on the day, it will cut
down on the perspiration and you’ll look great. But there’s more to consider
than jacket size and inseam. The style of the suit you choose can make you look
your best. Here are some classic looks for the four body types.
If you’re tall and slender or medium height and build, the choice is easiest for
you: any style. But the perfectly fit suit is still just as important. Thinner
men look good in a double-breasted jacket. Ask that the shoulders be padded a
little more than normal and the waist be taken in to a comfortable extent. These
tactics make the body seem more muscular and create a great line. The trousers
look best when the legs are slightly fuller than normal with a higher rise. But
to be honest, with this body type, it’s hard to go wrong with your tuxedo
choice.
If you’re tall and husky or very muscular the shawl-collar tux is the right
choice for you. This is the smooth, thinner collar without notched lapels. The
jacket is usually single-breasted with one button. Wearing a jacket that is long
enough is very important too. With hands relaxed at your side, your fingertips
should reach the bottom of the jacket. As with any good suit, your shirt cuffs
should ride about an inch beyond the jacket sleeve. If you have a wide face or a
thick neck, your collar and tie choice is important too. You don’t want to look
like you’re being choked.
Choose the spread collar rather than the wing tip and avoid thin bow ties. This
doesn’t mean you should appear in a giant ’70’s butterfly bow tie, just choose
one that’s in proportion with your face and neck.
The jacket should feel a little loose so you can move easily and let some air
circulate. Ask that the trouser legs be slightly wider if you have large or
muscular thighs for the sake of comfort and looks.
Avoid the double-breasted jackets since the buttons tend to focus the eyes on
your midsection and make it look wider. If you are on the heavier side, you may
think of choosing a vest over a cummerbund since they look and feel less
constricting.
If you’re on the shorter side and muscular or stocky the choice of a shawl
collar is the right one. Again, this is the smooth, thinner collar without
notched lapels. The jacket should be single-breasted and the button should be
quite low, around the belt line to make your torso appear longer and leaner. It
may be counterintuitive, but choose a jacket without a lot of shoulder padding.
Your own shoulder line will help you look less broad in the photos. Pleated
trousers can also be a good idea but aren’t obligatory. Some people think
they’re slimming, but opinions vary. The legs of the trousers should be cut as
low as possible without looking unfinished, making the break between the trouser
leg and the shoe as subtle as possible. If they are angled a little in back,
they’ll make your legs look longer. As with the huskier men discussed above,
avoid wing-tip collars and very small ties if you have a large face or neck. You
may be more comfortable choosing a vest over the traditional cummerbund if you
are on the heavier side.
If you’re shorter and thin you’ll look best in a single-breasted jacket with a
single button placed low. This will lengthen the lines of your look. If you’d
like to appear a little broader, a notched or "peak" lapel is a good choice. You
would also look fine in a double-breasted jacket and achieve the same effect.
The trousers could be pleated with reverse double pleats if you’d like, and the
trouser legs should break just above your shoes, angling slightly downward in
back. Smaller bow ties are the best choice for your frame as are vests with an
elegant, understated pattern.
Just a final word: if the choices are sparse, and in some parts of the country
they might be, you’ll probably be shown single breasted suits with different
collar types. In the absence of the perfect jacket, opt for the shawl collar.
It’s a classic. You can’t go wrong
December 2005
WORKING THE RECEPTION CROWD....
There is one little truth that comes with every
wedding reception... You will probably not get a
chance to spend a few quality minutes talking to
each of your guests.
The reception will keep you busy with the
traditional events such as cutting the cake, the first dance, etc. The evening
goes by quickly, and so do the faces. The best approach is to prioritize whom
you want to visit with most. For most couples this will be those special out of
town guests, or special friends or relatives that you don't get to see too
often. Put these people in first, to make sure you get your moments. Mind you,
you won't get alot of time with them, but this little one to one time will make
their extra effort to be there worthwhile to them.
Once you've visited with these folks, a great way
to work the rest of the room is for the couple to try and visit from table to
table. This will give the most complete coverage of your wedding guests. Usually
right as dinner is ending, and before the ceremonial items begin is the best
time to try and do this. Another great time is during the "bridal dance" or
"dollar dance". While some of you may not like the idea of people paying to
dance with you, it does provide a special moment with many of your guests.
Inevitably, you will run into someone you don't remember... have a special
signal set up with your new spouse. Example....tugging your ear or a special
word that let's them know..."I have no idea who this is" and let your new spouse
rescue you by introducing themselves. The other person will of course respond by
saying their name. It will hide an otherwise embarrassing moment.
Most importantly, find a little time to spend with
your new mate. This is YOUR day, and sometimes it's hard to remember to take a
few moments alone together. If you are having a large reception (300+) consider
a receiving line if you are concerned with seeing all your guests. This will cut
into YOUR time at the reception, but it will ensure that you get to greet each
guest as they arrive before dinner. If you have any creative suggestions, we'd
love to hear them and share them with your fellow brides and grooms "to be".
Clergy Questionnaire
What to ask at your first meeting
-
Are the date and time we've
chosen available? If not, what alternate dates and times are free?
-
Must we be members of this
church or synagogue, or know members, to be married here? If we’re not
members, must we pay special fees?
-
Are we required to go through
premarital counseling? If so, how many sessions? What topics will be
covered?
-
Will you marry us if one of us
is divorced? What special arrangements does a remarriage require?
(Permission from a religious authority? Proof of divorce?)
-
Will you marry us if we are of
different faiths? On what conditions? Will one partner have to convert?
Will we have to agree to raise any children in one religion over another? Will
you perform the ceremony with a clergyperson of a different faith? How do you
usually share officiating duties?
-
During which holidays or
liturgical seasons are weddings prohibited/ Is any time of day
inappropriate?
-
What are the fees for using
the synagogue or church and for the services of the organist, and the rest of
your staff? Who is usually tipped? About how much? When?
-
Are there any restrictions on
ceremony dress? (For exampe, must the men wear yarmulkes? Should the
bride’s and bridesmaids’ shoulders be covered?)
-
Must readings be religious
in nature? At what point in the ceremony are they performed?
-
Is a kiss permitted at the
end of the ceremony?
-
Are other weddings
scheduled on our date? How much time will be devoted to our ceremony? Is there
leeway so we won’t feel rushed? Can we share church flowers with another bride
and groom?
-
What’s the seating capacity
of the sanctuary? How big a wedding party fits comfortably on the altar? If
there’s a center aisle, how many people can walk down it abreast? Can the
aisles be used for a procession?
-
Is the church/synagogue
wheelchair accessible?
-
Is there a changing room
for the bridal party?
-
Does the church or synagogue have
space for wedding receptions?
-
Are there food or beverage
requirements?
-
Is there adequate parking
for all of our guests? On-site? Off-site? Will they be charged?
-
Is there air conditioning
in the summer? Adequate heat in the winter?
From BRIDEíS WEDDING PLANNER, by the Editors of BRIDEíS
Magazine, published by Ballantine Books. Copyright© 1997, 1990, 1980, 1977 by
The CondÈ Nast Publications Inc.o
How Can I Stop a Guest from Getting Wasted?
by Anita Henry of Modern Bride
We’re having an open bar at the reception. How can I
ensure that my fiancé's hard-drinking friend won’t overdo it and cause a scene
on my wedding day?
 Ask your
fiancé to talk to his hard-partying friend. If he feels awkward about singling
out his pal, he could casually talk to a group of his friends—including Mr.
Boozer—about keeping their party meters in check. These same friends can be
pulled aside before the wedding and asked to keep an eye on Mr. Boozer at the
reception.
You can also set up some guidelines for bar
service: No shots and no straight-up or on-the-rocks drinks should be served
(mixed drinks only); and all beer must be poured into glasses. On your wedding
day, have an attendant subtly point out Mr. Boozer to all of the bartenders.
They can help you by serving this determined drinker watered-down drinks and
only the smallest glasses of beer. If you still think he’d end up mooning your
other guests no matter what you do, don’t invite him. Nothing should ruin your
special day.
August 2005
How Can I Pick Just Four Bridesmaids?
by Lisa Milbrand
I’m having a problem choosing attendants. On one hand,
there are my old friends whom I’ve known for ten years, but don’t really keep in
touch with. Then there are my fiancé’s groomsmen’s wives. We’re friends, but we
don’t have a special relationship. My fiancé and I agreed to have four
attendants each, and I’ve already asked my two sisters. Where should my other
two come from?
 Nowhere. Enjoy a
wedding party that is made up of just your sisters. Bridesmaid positions are
meant for only your closest family members and pals, and the others don’t fit
the bill. You’ll have an uneven wedding party, but so what? It’ll be more
special because the bridesmaids are special to you.
Now, about the two male attendants who don’t have
an arm to walk in on: they can proceed down the aisle alone, or as a pair. Or
double up the male attendants with your bridesmaids (what woman doesn’t love to
have two guys on her arm?). At the reception, either skip the coupled-off
wedding-party dance (unless the guys don’t mind dancing together) or go for a
quick change-up: after you and your groom share your first dance, ask the DJ or
band to switch over to an upbeat tune and the whole group can boogie en masse.
Wedding Cake Trends
Though the wedding cake has
always played a "ta da!" role in the classic reception, the most modern take on
our favorite bridal sweet is much different than that of its predecessors.
Unlike the cakes of the past which were treated solely as towering eye candy,
cakes today need to be super sweets: They have to look gorgeous, fit in with the
overall wedding theme, and taste eye-rollingly good. It's a tall order, but
today's cake designers are up to the challenge. Here are some of our favorite
trends.
THE STYLE
Clean and Classic: Outlandishly frosted confections are a thing of the
past. These days, many couples are opting for clean, classic designs, many of
which mimic bridal gown fabrics or detailing. We're also seeing a lot of
Asian-inspired designs: cakes featuring tiers of white on white patterns with
red accents. Understated yet whimsical designs, such as cakes covered in
blush-colored frosting and punctuated with tiny silver-dusted polka dots or pale
blue-fondant frosted cakes studded with chocolate-brown sugar flowers, are all
the rage.
THE SHAPE
Anything Goes: Though round tiers are still the favorite for today's
couples, square, octagon, and hexagon confections are gaining popularity
especially for more modern and/or casual weddings. Atypical shapes give the
tower of tiers a sophisticated feel without frilliness. For a multidimensional
appeal, pair differently-shaped cakes together, such as round tiers on square
tiers. Knot Note: Learn more about
cool and creative cake shapes before deciding on your ideal wedding cake.
 THE
STRUCTURE
Stacked and Sturdy: Cake tiers stacked upon tall Roman columns have all
but disappeared, as most couples opt for layers placed directly on top of one
another. If the cake is too heavy, designers may sometimes use pillars for
support, though they're usually hidden behind fresh flowers. Fresh berries,
sugared fruits, and thick bands of sugarpaste flowers are also appearing between
the layers, which creates a lush and voluptuous appearance. Our favorite idea
for cakes that need extra support? A fabulous foundation: Create a base for the
cake out of five to eight individual small-sized round tiers. These are not
stacked, but placed in a circle so that the weight of your wedding cake is
evenly dispersed.
 THE
FROSTING
The Icing on the Cake: Though white fondant may be the first thing that
comes to mind when you hear the words "wedding cake," today's confections are
taking a spin on the color wheel. We're seeing hues of light blush, ice blue,
pale pistachio, rum pink, and lavender splash across the scene, along with
shades of butterscotch and cafe au lait -- colors that reflect the bridesmaids'
dresses rather than the bride's gown. Many designers are also addressing demand
for cakes that incorporate two tones of the same color: We're seeing snow white
fondant tiers wrapped with textured white ribbon or topped with white calla
lilies, or candlelight buttercream adorned with eggshell-colored roses or
champagne-hued scrollwork.
THE DECORATIONS
Fresh and flirty; fun and funky: Fresh flowers continue to be a popular
adornment for wedding cakes, though sugarpaste flowers are still holding their
own. Unfussy, simple blooms are replacing the more frivolous flowers; today's
most fashionable fleurs include orchids, calla lilies, tulips, and gardenias.
Daisies are also becoming popular, due to their light and cheerful appeal.
Simple embellishments such as Swiss dots, single rose petals, curving
scrollwork, and family monograms are also setting the standard, as
personalization continues to be very popular at weddings.
 THE
FLAVOR
All in Good Taste: Why should looks be everything? They shouldn't -- if
the cake doesn't taste fabulous, you shouldn't serve it. In the world of
flavors, we're seeing rich chocolate-covered confections in all their
cocoa-colored glory shirk their "grooms cake" beginnings and take center stage.
Pistachio-enhanced cakes, which can be a rich or subtle sage-green hue, are also
big now, as is delicate pistachio-flavored filling. Other fabulous fruit flavors
setting the scene: pineapple, exotic marion berries, wild cherries, passion
fruit, mango, and blood orange mousses. Couples are also pairing cake courses
with other sweets -- classics such as tiramisu and apple pie are making their
way to the dessert table too.
Resources:
Cheryl Kleinman, Brooklyn, NY ** Gail Watson,
Gail Watson Custom Cakes, New York, NY **
Ron Ben-Israel, Wedding Cakes, New York, NY **
Sylvia Weinstock, New York, NY
Cakes and photos from top:
1. Cake: Gateaux, Inc., Minneapolis Photo: Robin Martin
2. Cake: Cake Creations, Houston Photo: Photography by Greg Carrillo
3. Cake: Le Gateau Suisse Bakery, Blauvelt, NY; Photo: Lorraine Pantic
Photography 4. Cake and Photo:
Empress of Desserts, Seattle
5. Cake: Cake Creations, Houston Photo: Photography by Greg Carrillo
6. Cake: Anne Sineath, Atlanta Photo: Kirsten Alexander Photographer
How Can We Agree on the Music?
by Laura MacNeil of Modern Bride
My parents want quiet, soft music for the
reception while I want to celebrate by partying and dancing all night long. How
can we resolve this musical quandary?
Try
a compromise. Have quiet music during the dinner, with no dancing in between
courses, and start the party afterward. “I’ve seen that work beautifully,” says
Sylvia Bigelsen, the author of The Ties That Bind…And Bind…And Bind
(Element Books).
You can ask your band or DJ to play
some old songs and encourage guests to get up and dance. Make sure the DJ or
band knows your parents’ song, which they should play soon after your first
dance and your dance with your dad.
May 2005
8 Tips to Get Organized
from The Knot.com
Ask any newlywed couple --
even couples that have been married for a long time -- and they'll all say the
same thing thing: The key to a successful wedding (read: one that goes smoothly,
without any major glitches) is in the planning. Small things go wrong at
every wedding. But keep in mind that you can save yourself from migraine
headaches and crying spells by making a plan and simply sticking with it. These
simple tips will help you take some of the stress away (or at least minimize
it!).
1. Lose the Laziness
One mistake that many couples make is basking in the glow of their engagement
until 4-6 months before their wedding date. Then they try to cram all of the
planning into a too-short period of time. Of course you should just sit
back and be thrilled about your engagement for a while, but then you've gotta
get cracking!
2. Buy a Calendar or Datebook
Once you determine your wedding date, set specific dates by which you want to
get things accomplished. For example, you got engaged in June, and your wedding
date is April 24. On August 31, mark in that you want to have the ceremony
location and reception hall reserved. Try to get as much done as possible in the
first few months so that the last few months won't be hectic.
3. Set Aside Time
Choose a day of the week when you'll focus on the wedding details, or several
days if you're pressed for time. Sit down together and plan. This
eliminates confusion -- i.e., the groom thinking he's supposed to call and check
on hall rentals when the bride already has it narrowed down to what will suit
their needs.
4. Share Duties
This is the best way to get things done. You both should be involved
every step of the way. Make a list of details to be taken care of, then divide
the list in half. Each of you choose what you want to do. This will make grooms
want to be involved, instead of making them feel like they have to
help. Sure, your sweetie probably isn't concerned with exactly which flowers you
carry. And maybe you're not picky about what tuxedos he and the guys wear (or
maybe you are!). But involving your husband-to-be will make him feel that it's
his wedding, too -- something he helped plan, not just something he has
to show up at. Which brings us to...
5. Talk, Talk, Talk
We can't stress this enough. Be sure that if you're sharing duties that you're
also sharing the details. It's okay to take care of certain things by yourself,
just make sure you're telling each other about it so the caterer isn't
contracted with twice!
6. Be Flexible
Okay. So you really didn't want the groom/ushers in those tails and top hats.
And maybe he doesn't want the cake to be lemon with pecan icing (!). Each of you
is going to want things that the other doesn't care for, but flexibility is a
must. Be willing to bend. If you really object to something, let your objection
be duly heard and noted. Just give the other person a chance to explain why
he/she really wants to arrive at the reception in a hot tub in the back of the
limo.
7. Details, Contracts, and Negotiations
When dealing with wedding professionals (caterers, florists, etc.), be sure to
clarify all the details and your expectations during the initial discussions.
Make sure you get a contract specifically stating dates, times, and locations.
Be sure to include what you feel is appropriate dress, and what you feel isn't.
Spell out everything. Try to negotiate the best deal for goods and
services, but don't sell yourself short on important things just to get a better
price.
Most importantly, be sure to read the fine print on every contract before
you sign it, and make sure you're aware of cancellation policies and fees. Also
ask if there's a grace period to cancel just in case you change your mind or
something happens and you need to postpone the wedding (you never know).
8. Stay Organized
This one's pretty obvious! The more organized you are, the less chance there is
that something will go wrong. Buy a notebook, and keep all your wedding
information in it. Receipts, contracts, ideas -- everything. You might also want
to get notebooks for your maid of honor/bridesmaids and the best man. Put info
such as dates, times, locations, and duties. This will keep everyone organized
as well, and minimize the chance of someone missing a fitting date or rehearsal
time.
Is a Photographer’s Assistant Essential?
by the editors at Modern Bride magazine
Is an
assistant necessary? Our photographer wants to bring one.
We took this question to Jinsey Dauk, a
professional shutterbug in New York City. Dauk’s response? ”My answer is yes!
Some assistants just carry heavy equipment, which frees up the main
photographer. The less grunt work, the more she can focus on getting the best
photos. Sometimes a photographer will bring a shooting assistant instead, who
can catch shots that the photographer might miss, or snap formal portraits while
the photographer takes candids. As long as the photographer remains in control,
assistants can be extremely valuable. After all, your photographer needs to be
efficient, organized and quick.”
Should My Parents Have a Say?
by Lisa Milbrand of Modern Bride.com
My
parents are paying for most of the wedding, and they’re insisting that they
should get a say in the plans. Should they?
In a fantasy world,
your family would cough up the dough and say magnanimously, ”Use it as you will,
dear.” After all, you’re thinking, this is your day, right? But if your parents
are footing the bill, then it’s their party, too, and as the official hosts they
have every right to dictate a few details. (In all likelihood, they’ve been
dreaming of this day even longer than you have.)
The best plan is to sit
down and talk with your parents (or both sets, if both are making contributions
to the cost) before you book a single thing. Tell them how grateful you are for
their kind and generous gift and that you hope they’ll let you plan the wedding
of your dreams. If they don’t agree to give you your wedding—your way—you’ll
have to decide if you want to turn your back on the dough and plan the whole
thing on what you and your fiancé can afford, or accept the cash with all those
strings attached.
Must I Invite Co-Workers?
by Anita K. Henry of Modern Bride
Do
my fiancé and I have to invite our bosses and coworkers to our wedding?
The first question you should ask yourself is, do you
have room on the guest list for them? If you’re planning a small wedding or
really can’t afford additional guests, nix the office invites across the board.
If you do have space for a few people from work, consider limiting the invites
to your boss and/or assistant.
It’s a nice gesture and a good way to keep the invites to a minimum. A larger
wedding or budget should give you more flexibility, but before you turn your
reception into a replica of the office Christmas party, consider the following
questions: 1) Which work buddies do you socialize with outside of the office?
These office mates are no longer mere coworkers; they’re friends, and should be
on your list. 2) Do you have a close-knit group of coworkers with whom you eat
lunch on a regular basis?
Consider adding these folks if space allows. Once you’ve decided who makes the
cut, ask the invitees to keep the wedding chat to a minimum so other coworkers
don’t feel slighted.
December 2004-- Tips on Tipping
by Amy Gordon of TheKnot.com
So, you feel pretty confident that you've completed
calculating costs for the big day. But wait -- before you close that budget
binder, did you remember to include tips? Technically, no one should expect
tips, but many vendors will since tipping has become standard practice.
Depending on where you're getting marr |
