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April 2007 --  Planning & Dealing with the Hiccups   
  by Steve Hornyak of Thatweddingsite.com

   How many times have you thought or heard.... "I just want everything to be perfect for my wedding"..... ?    Good planning is the key, but while a very noble goal, it can sometimes be a little unrealistic. 

   Be sure to take care in the planning of any of your wedding details.  Careful preparation and planning is crucial for a successful event.  Your communication between yourself and your wedding vendors needs to be consistent and straight-forward.  Nothing causes problems faster than a lack of or bad communication.  After every conversation or meeting with a wedding vendor, be sure to "re-cap"  your conversation with them.  Something like "just to reconfirm, you'll have 30 pink carnations delivered to the church at 10am on the wedding day and it will be $30 additional on my bill".  This gets both of you to acknowledge what you discussed, what you agreed to, and what the cost is. 

   Keep Notes-  Nothing is more important than good notes.  Each time you speak with a vendor, jot down a note in a notebook or journal about it.  Note the date, time and the person you spoke with and what the conversation was about.  This eliminates any confusion if a question arises later since you've documented your planning

   Be prepared-  Always have a back up plan or idea just in case of emergency.  We all hope the plan goes smoothly, but if not, be prepared.  As my dad always taught me.... Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.  The hiccups can come at any time.

   The Hiccups Set In--  Even with all the preparation and attention to detail... there is bound to be something at your wedding that doesn't go quite as planned.  The secret to a great day is to take it in stride as much as possible.  Some "hiccups" are small and should be a little inconvenience and a giggle and some are tougher like a substiture DJ at the last minute, a sick vendor, or a rainy day.   Either type must be handled with grace and priority.  Remember, you're on stage to your guests and they're watching, always act with class.  It is YOUR day, and you are the princess, but you are also the HOSTESS.   You set the tone.  If something goes wrong, take a deep breath, clear your thoughts and devise your best options.   Getting overly upset won't fix the problem, it'll only ruin your day. 

   The key to a wedding is to remember that this is the start of a marriage and that marriages come with challenges, just like weddings.  How you handle a problem on your wedding day will say alot about how you'll handle your marriage.  

   I know because I've been there.  My wife designed a beautiful cake with fountains, lights, ceramic figurines. etc for our wedding.  It was beautiful and the bakery did a great job.  As they announced us to enter our reception, we heard glass breaking... we later found out that the breaking glass was when an uninvited child (at our adult only reception) ran into the table and toppled our cake.  We found out when we went to cut the cake...the look on my wife's face said it all.  (I had never seen the design, but luckily our photographer got a picture before it crashed).  I just whispered in her ear..."if this is the worst thing that happens to us today, I can live with that,  I bet it still tastes like cake".   After a few tears from her, we exchanged our bites of cake and on went the reception.  It was a great night, that could have been ruined by an overreaction.   We took it in stride and laugh about it still.  The funny part was that the reason we had an adult reception was to eliminate the chance that this family would bring this child.  We were right on our prediction, because they brought the child anyway.    Don't let the hiccups ruin your day! 

March 2007-- Wedding guest complaints

February 2007

January 2007

Inviting Children.... or Not

Deciding whether to make your wedding guest list adults-only can cause as much stress as planning the perfect proposal or choosing a gown. On the one hand, you don't want to seem like the Wicked Witch of the West or Dr. Evil, but on the other, you're not Mary Poppins or Mr. Rogers, either. The following reasons for inviting and not inviting kids -- plus our tips for making either scenario run smoothly -- should help you make up your mind.

THE KID-FRIENDLY ZONE
    There are plenty of good things about having tiny wedding guests. Here are a few:

• It's your wedding day and everyone's there to honor your new life together. A marriage ceremony is all about the gathering of family and friends, and having children there will only add to the special meaning of the day.

• Remember when you were a kid how fun it was to dance with Daddy, or how special it was to carry the ring down the aisle? Your wedding, too, can create wonderful memories for kids (and provide them with great stories and props for Show & Tell).

• You're dying to meet your college roommate's four-year-old daughter, but they live across the country. Or, your aunt has only once had the opportunity to spend time with your brother's two kids. If you invite these children to your wedding, everyone can finally enjoy long-overdue introductions and reunions -- not to mention the fact that the children themselves may form lasting friendships with one another.

• If you or your fiance(e) have particularly special children in your lives -- a namesake, nieces and nephews, a godchild -- asking them to be a part of your big day shows them, and all your other guests, how important they are to you.

• If you're a bit shy of the limelight, a cute flower girl or ring bearer can attract guests' attention, maybe taking some of the pressure off of you (even if only in your head!).

• If you invite them, you don't have to deal with guests who are upset because you didn't.

KID-FRIENDLY TIPS

• Hire a babysitter to watch them during the ceremony (have him or her sit with small kids in a separate room, if necessary).

• Set up a children's table or room at the reception, complete with favors, crayons, coloring books, small toys, and games.

• Ask your caterer to prepare kid meals so they don't have to eat -- and you don't have to pay for -- grown-up meals.

• Consider hiring special children's entertainment, such as a caricaturist or clown. The performance/activity can even take place in another room.

• A fun item I've seen recently was when a bride did a "candy dance" for the kids instead of the traditional garter and bouquet traditions. 

THE KID-FREE ZONE

Okay, so there are also some downsides to having little ones as guests. Keep these in mind:

• You want a serious, intimate ceremony and a reception that's a major party. Kids of any age might cramp your style.

• It's your wedding and everyone's there to honor you and your fiancé(e) -- the last thing you want is a freckle-faced flower girl stealing all your "oohs" and "aahs." Yes, there is the possibility that your thunder will be stolen (if only temporarily), either as you proceed down the aisle or during the first dance, when some kid screams, rattles toys/keys, or cutely dances with another kid, pulling all eyes off of you. If these scenarios send a chill down your spine, think twice.

• Money doesn't grow on trees, and weddings ain't cheap. Kids can be picky eaters, and keeping them off the guest list avoids wasting costly catered food.

• Most children don't like to (or can't) sit still for any length of time, and when they're forced to, they're prone to throw fits. As such, you run the risk of having your vows disrupted by a screaming toddler or ending up with a wedding video that features five-year-old fighting ninjas.

• Parents may have a better time at the wedding--and stay longer--if they don't have to keep an eye on their kids.

• You can't possibly invite everyone's children, and picking and choosing would offend the parents of those who aren't asked to attend. The best way to avoid ruffling feathers is to not invite any.

KID-FREE TIPS

• Make sure the outer and inner envelopes of your invitations are addressed in such a way that it's clear children aren't included ("Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Anderson" as opposed to "The Anderson Family"). If anyone RSVPs with their kids anyway, it's okay to call and gently explain your preference.

• Let close friends and relatives know about your "no children policy" and ask them to spread the word to other guests.

• If out-of-towners are bringing children along for the trip, help them to arrange babysitters at their hotels (many hotels even have a list of recommended sitters).

• Stand your ground and make no exceptions.

• If you find yourself firmly decided one way or the other, you know what to do. If you're on the fence, you might want to leave the door open to child guests and let their parents decide whether or not to bring them. Either way, be prepared.

-- This article is written by Sue Bruskin Clarke

December 2006

We're Engaged.... Now What???

August 2006

HIRING A CATERER

    Many reception halls will require that your use their caterer or that you select from a list of their authorized caterers. If you are "shopping" for caterers, this information should help. Keep in mind that a good caterer should be flexible and eager to work with you to plan your perfect event. First impressions don't necessarily tell the whole story, but after your initial meeting ask yourself, "Did I like them?" If your personalities clash, or if something seems amiss, find someone else. You won't have time to start from scratch later. Then, after you cover the basics (Are you available on my wedding day? Can I afford you? Do I like your food?), don't forget to ask these important questions:

• Do you have a catering license and liability insurance? 

• Can I get some references? 

• Can I taste your food? 

• How big are the portions? 

• Will you provide tables, dinnerware, flatware, glasses, tablecloths? 

• Can you help with decorations? 

• How many service people will be on hand? 

• Who will be in charge while the meal is served? 

• What are the hidden costs, such as cake cutting, overtime, tax and tip? 

• What are the financial arrangements?

After meeting and speaking with a few caterers, compare your notes on each. All the information you gathered should help find the right caterer for you. 1 big thought to keep in mind..... while it's great to get someone's personal opinion (a friend or relative) on who they used or liked..... your tastes may be different than theirs so give it the weight it deserves in making your decision.

July 2006
TAKING A MOMENT FOR YOURSELF

    With all the planning, time, and effort that goes into planning that perfect wedding.....it's important that the two of you make sure to set aside some time to spend together.... without the wedding. A wedding becomes a very involved experience. It may seem at times that every free evening and weekend is spent on "planning the wedding". Always remember WHY you are planning this wedding. It is a celebration of the love that the two of you share. It's a celebration of your wanting to spend every day together for the rest of your life. Be sure to continue to remember this throughout your wedding planning. Take time away from your wedding planning. Go out to dinner...See a movie....Go dancing.... Make sure to keep at least 1 night each week to spend just enjoying each other, if possible. This is why you fell in love... and it's why you're getting married. Many of you will go thru the planning process for 12 to 18 months. It's especially important to make time to spend together without any wedding planning. You'll be glad that you did.

June 2006
Working the Crowd

    There is one little truth that comes with every wedding reception, You will probably not get a chance to spend a few quality minutes talking to each of your guests. The reception will keep you busy with the traditional events such as cutting the cake, the first dance, etc. The evening goes by quickly, and so do the faces.

    The best approach is to prioritize whom you want to visit with most. For most couples this will be those special out of town guests, or special friends or relatives that you don't get to see too often. Put these people in first, to make sure you get your moments. Mind you, you won't get alot of time with them, but this little one to one time will make their extra effort to be there worthwhile to them. Once you've visited with these folks, a great way to work the rest of the room is for the couple to try and visit from table to table. This will give the most complete coverage of your wedding guests. Usually right as dinner is ending, and before the ceremonial items begin is the best time to try and do this. Another great time is during the "bridal dance" or "dollar dance".

    While some of you may not like the idea of people paying to dance with you, it does provide a special moment with many of your guests. Inevitably, you will run into someone you don't remember... have a special signal set up with your new spouse. Example....tugging your ear or a special word that let's them know..."I have no idea who this is" and let your new spouse rescue you by introducing themselves. The other person will of course respond by saying their name. It will hide an otherwise embarrassing moment. Most importantly, find a little time to spend with your new mate. This is YOUR day, and sometimes it's hard to remember to take a few moments alone together. If you are having a large reception (300+) consider a receiving line if you are concerned with seeing all your guests. This will cut into YOUR time at the reception, but it will ensure that you get to greet each guest as they arrive before dinner. If you have any creative suggestions, we'd love to hear them and share them with your fellow brides and grooms "to be".

April 2006
Etiquette Dilemma

March 2006
The Right Tux for Your Body Type
by Peter Post of WeddingChannel.com

As she walks down the aisle, all eyes are on the bride, her gown, her glow. But once the ceremony begins, she’s sharing a double bill with you, the groom, and your tuxedo should be a perfect fit.

The bottom line is that you can’t overestimate the importance of finding a suit that fits you well, so don’t borrow one or drag out the senior prom tux. Instead, go to a proper tux store and work with the tailor. When you’re wearing a suit that fits right, you’ll feel more comfortable on the day, it will cut down on the perspiration and you’ll look great. But there’s more to consider than jacket size and inseam. The style of the suit you choose can make you look your best. Here are some classic looks for the four body types.

If you’re tall and slender or medium height and build, the choice is easiest for you: any style. But the perfectly fit suit is still just as important. Thinner men look good in a double-breasted jacket. Ask that the shoulders be padded a little more than normal and the waist be taken in to a comfortable extent. These tactics make the body seem more muscular and create a great line. The trousers look best when the legs are slightly fuller than normal with a higher rise. But to be honest, with this body type, it’s hard to go wrong with your tuxedo choice.

If you’re tall and husky or very muscular the shawl-collar tux is the right choice for you. This is the smooth, thinner collar without notched lapels. The jacket is usually single-breasted with one button. Wearing a jacket that is long enough is very important too. With hands relaxed at your side, your fingertips should reach the bottom of the jacket. As with any good suit, your shirt cuffs should ride about an inch beyond the jacket sleeve. If you have a wide face or a thick neck, your collar and tie choice is important too. You don’t want to look like you’re being choked.

Choose the spread collar rather than the wing tip and avoid thin bow ties. This doesn’t mean you should appear in a giant ’70’s butterfly bow tie, just choose one that’s in proportion with your face and neck.

The jacket should feel a little loose so you can move easily and let some air circulate. Ask that the trouser legs be slightly wider if you have large or muscular thighs for the sake of comfort and looks.

Avoid the double-breasted jackets since the buttons tend to focus the eyes on your midsection and make it look wider. If you are on the heavier side, you may think of choosing a vest over a cummerbund since they look and feel less constricting.

If you’re on the shorter side and muscular or stocky the choice of a shawl collar is the right one. Again, this is the smooth, thinner collar without notched lapels. The jacket should be single-breasted and the button should be quite low, around the belt line to make your torso appear longer and leaner. It may be counterintuitive, but choose a jacket without a lot of shoulder padding. Your own shoulder line will help you look less broad in the photos. Pleated trousers can also be a good idea but aren’t obligatory. Some people think they’re slimming, but opinions vary. The legs of the trousers should be cut as low as possible without looking unfinished, making the break between the trouser leg and the shoe as subtle as possible. If they are angled a little in back, they’ll make your legs look longer. As with the huskier men discussed above, avoid wing-tip collars and very small ties if you have a large face or neck. You may be more comfortable choosing a vest over the traditional cummerbund if you are on the heavier side.

If you’re shorter and thin you’ll look best in a single-breasted jacket with a single button placed low. This will lengthen the lines of your look. If you’d like to appear a little broader, a notched or "peak" lapel is a good choice. You would also look fine in a double-breasted jacket and achieve the same effect. The trousers could be pleated with reverse double pleats if you’d like, and the trouser legs should break just above your shoes, angling slightly downward in back. Smaller bow ties are the best choice for your frame as are vests with an elegant, understated pattern.

Just a final word: if the choices are sparse, and in some parts of the country they might be, you’ll probably be shown single breasted suits with different collar types. In the absence of the perfect jacket, opt for the shawl collar. It’s a classic. You can’t go wrong

December 2005

WORKING THE RECEPTION CROWD.... 
    There is one little truth that comes with every wedding reception... You will probably not get a chance to spend a few quality minutes talking to each of your guests.

    The reception will keep you busy with the traditional events such as cutting the cake, the first dance, etc. The evening goes by quickly, and so do the faces. The best approach is to prioritize whom you want to visit with most. For most couples this will be those special out of town guests, or special friends or relatives that you don't get to see too often. Put these people in first, to make sure you get your moments. Mind you, you won't get alot of time with them, but this little one to one time will make their extra effort to be there worthwhile to them.

    Once you've visited with these folks, a great way to work the rest of the room is for the couple to try and visit from table to table. This will give the most complete coverage of your wedding guests. Usually right as dinner is ending, and before the ceremonial items begin is the best time to try and do this. Another great time is during the "bridal dance" or "dollar dance". While some of you may not like the idea of people paying to dance with you, it does provide a special moment with many of your guests. Inevitably, you will run into someone you don't remember... have a special signal set up with your new spouse. Example....tugging your ear or a special word that let's them know..."I have no idea who this is" and let your new spouse rescue you by introducing themselves. The other person will of course respond by saying their name. It will hide an otherwise embarrassing moment.

    Most importantly, find a little time to spend with your new mate. This is YOUR day, and sometimes it's hard to remember to take a few moments alone together. If you are having a large reception (300+) consider a receiving line if you are concerned with seeing all your guests. This will cut into YOUR time at the reception, but it will ensure that you get to greet each guest as they arrive before dinner. If you have any creative suggestions, we'd love to hear them and share them with your fellow brides and grooms "to be".

November 2005
 

Clergy Questionnaire

What to ask at your first meeting

1. Are the date and time we've chosen available? If not, what alternate dates and times are free?

2. Must we be members of this church or synagogue, or know members, to be married here? If we’re not members, must we pay special fees?

3. Are we required to go through premarital counseling? If so, how many sessions? What topics will be covered?

4. Will you marry us if one of us is divorced? What special arrangements does a remarriage require? (Permission from a religious authority? Proof of divorce?)

5. Will you marry us if we are of different faiths? On what conditions? Will one partner have to convert? Will we have to agree to raise any children in one religion over another? Will you perform the ceremony with a clergyperson of a different faith? How do you usually share officiating duties?

6. During which holidays or liturgical seasons are weddings prohibited/ Is any time of day inappropriate?

7. What are the fees for using the synagogue or church and for the services of the organist, and the rest of your staff? Who is usually tipped? About how much? When?

8. Are there any restrictions on ceremony dress? (For exampe, must the men wear yarmulkes? Should the bride’s and bridesmaids’ shoulders be covered?)

9. Must readings be religious in nature? At what point in the ceremony are they performed?

10. Is a kiss permitted at the end of the ceremony?

11. Are other weddings scheduled on our date? How much time will be devoted to our ceremony? Is there leeway so we won’t feel rushed? Can we share church flowers with another bride and groom?
     

12. What’s the seating capacity of the sanctuary? How big a wedding party fits comfortably on the altar? If there’s a center aisle, how many people can walk down it abreast? Can the aisles be used for a procession?

13. Is the church/synagogue wheelchair accessible?

14. Is there a changing room for the bridal party?

15. Does the church or synagogue have space for wedding receptions?

16. Are there food or beverage requirements?

17. Is there adequate parking for all of our guests? On-site? Off-site? Will they be charged?

18. Is there air conditioning in the summer? Adequate heat in the winter?

From BRIDEíS WEDDING PLANNER, by the Editors of BRIDEíS Magazine, published by Ballantine Books. Copyright© 1997, 1990, 1980, 1977 by The CondÈ Nast Publications Inc.o

How Can I Stop a Guest from Getting Wasted?

by Anita Henry of Modern Bride

We’re having an open bar at the reception. How can I ensure that my fiancé's hard-drinking friend won’t overdo it and cause a scene on my wedding day?

Ask your fiancé to talk to his hard-partying friend. If he feels awkward about singling out his pal, he could casually talk to a group of his friends—including Mr. Boozer—about keeping their party meters in check. These same friends can be pulled aside before the wedding and asked to keep an eye on Mr. Boozer at the reception.

You can also set up some guidelines for bar service: No shots and no straight-up or on-the-rocks drinks should be served (mixed drinks only); and all beer must be poured into glasses. On your wedding day, have an attendant subtly point out Mr. Boozer to all of the bartenders. They can help you by serving this determined drinker watered-down drinks and only the smallest glasses of beer. If you still think he’d end up mooning your other guests no matter what you do, don’t invite him. Nothing should ruin your special day.

August 2005
How Can I Pick Just Four Bridesmaids?
by Lisa Milbrand

I’m having a problem choosing attendants. On one hand, there are my old friends whom I’ve known for ten years, but don’t really keep in touch with. Then there are my fiancé’s groomsmen’s wives. We’re friends, but we don’t have a special relationship. My fiancé and I agreed to have four attendants each, and I’ve already asked my two sisters. Where should my other two come from?

Nowhere. Enjoy a wedding party that is made up of just your sisters. Bridesmaid positions are meant for only your closest family members and pals, and the others don’t fit the bill. You’ll have an uneven wedding party, but so what? It’ll be more special because the bridesmaids are special to you.

Now, about the two male attendants who don’t have an arm to walk in on: they can proceed down the aisle alone, or as a pair. Or double up the male attendants with your bridesmaids (what woman doesn’t love to have two guys on her arm?). At the reception, either skip the coupled-off wedding-party dance (unless the guys don’t mind dancing together) or go for a quick change-up: after you and your groom share your first dance, ask the DJ or band to switch over to an upbeat tune and the whole group can boogie en masse.

July 2005

Wedding Cake Trends

Though the wedding cake has always played a "ta da!" role in the classic reception, the most modern take on our favorite bridal sweet is much different than that of its predecessors. Unlike the cakes of the past which were treated solely as towering eye candy, cakes today need to be super sweets: They have to look gorgeous, fit in with the overall wedding theme, and taste eye-rollingly good. It's a tall order, but today's cake designers are up to the challenge. Here are some of our favorite trends.

THE STYLE
Clean and Classic: Outlandishly frosted confections are a thing of the past. These days, many couples are opting for clean, classic designs, many of which mimic bridal gown fabrics or detailing. We're also seeing a lot of Asian-inspired designs: cakes featuring tiers of white on white patterns with red accents. Understated yet whimsical designs, such as cakes covered in blush-colored frosting and punctuated with tiny silver-dusted polka dots or pale blue-fondant frosted cakes studded with chocolate-brown sugar flowers, are all the rage.

THE SHAPE
Anything Goes: Though round tiers are still the favorite for today's couples, square, octagon, and hexagon confections are gaining popularity especially for more modern and/or casual weddings. Atypical shapes give the tower of tiers a sophisticated feel without frilliness. For a multidimensional appeal, pair differently-shaped cakes together, such as round tiers on square tiers. Knot Note: Learn more about cool and creative cake shapes before deciding on your ideal wedding cake.



THE STRUCTURE
Stacked and Sturdy: Cake tiers stacked upon tall Roman columns have all but disappeared, as most couples opt for layers placed directly on top of one another. If the cake is too heavy, designers may sometimes use pillars for support, though they're usually hidden behind fresh flowers. Fresh berries, sugared fruits, and thick bands of sugarpaste flowers are also appearing between the layers, which creates a lush and voluptuous appearance. Our favorite idea for cakes that need extra support? A fabulous foundation: Create a base for the cake out of five to eight individual small-sized round tiers. These are not stacked, but placed in a circle so that the weight of your wedding cake is evenly dispersed.

THE FROSTING
The Icing on the Cake: Though white fondant may be the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the words "wedding cake," today's confections are taking a spin on the color wheel. We're seeing hues of light blush, ice blue, pale pistachio, rum pink, and lavender splash across the scene, along with shades of butterscotch and cafe au lait -- colors that reflect the bridesmaids' dresses rather than the bride's gown. Many designers are also addressing demand for cakes that incorporate two tones of the same color: We're seeing snow white fondant tiers wrapped with textured white ribbon or topped with white calla lilies, or candlelight buttercream adorned with eggshell-colored roses or champagne-hued scrollwork.


THE DECORATIONS
Fresh and flirty; fun and funky: Fresh flowers continue to be a popular adornment for wedding cakes, though sugarpaste flowers are still holding their own. Unfussy, simple blooms are replacing the more frivolous flowers; today's most fashionable fleurs include orchids, calla lilies, tulips, and gardenias. Daisies are also becoming popular, due to their light and cheerful appeal. Simple embellishments such as Swiss dots, single rose petals, curving scrollwork, and family monograms are also setting the standard, as personalization continues to be very popular at weddings.

THE FLAVOR
All in Good Taste: Why should looks be everything? They shouldn't -- if the cake doesn't taste fabulous, you shouldn't serve it. In the world of flavors, we're seeing rich chocolate-covered confections in all their cocoa-colored glory shirk their "grooms cake" beginnings and take center stage. Pistachio-enhanced cakes, which can be a rich or subtle sage-green hue, are also big now, as is delicate pistachio-flavored filling. Other fabulous fruit flavors setting the scene: pineapple, exotic marion berries, wild cherries, passion fruit, mango, and blood orange mousses. Couples are also pairing cake courses with other sweets -- classics such as tiramisu and apple pie are making their way to the dessert table too.

Resources:
Cheryl Kleinman, Brooklyn, NY  ** Gail Watson, Gail Watson Custom Cakes, New York, NY  **   Ron Ben-Israel, Wedding Cakes, New York, NY  **  Sylvia Weinstock, New York, NY

Cakes and photos from top:
1. Cake: Gateaux, Inc., Minneapolis Photo: Robin Martin    2. Cake: Cake Creations, Houston Photo: Photography by Greg Carrillo
3. Cake: Le Gateau Suisse Bakery, Blauvelt, NY; Photo: Lorraine Pantic Photography    4. Cake and Photo: Empress of Desserts, Seattle
5. Cake: Cake Creations, Houston Photo: Photography by Greg Carrillo    6. Cake: Anne Sineath, Atlanta Photo: Kirsten Alexander Photographer
 

June 2005--

How Can We Agree on the Music?

by Laura MacNeil of Modern Bride

My parents want quiet, soft music for the reception while I want to celebrate by partying and dancing all night long. How can we resolve this musical quandary?

Try a compromise. Have quiet music during the dinner, with no dancing in between courses, and start the party afterward. “I’ve seen that work beautifully,” says Sylvia Bigelsen, the author of The Ties That Bind…And Bind…And Bind (Element Books).

You can ask your band or DJ to play some old songs and encourage guests to get up and dance. Make sure the DJ or band knows your parents’ song, which they should play soon after your first dance and your dance with your dad.

May 2005
8 Tips to Get Organized        from The Knot.com

Ask any newlywed couple -- even couples that have been married for a long time -- and they'll all say the same thing thing: The key to a successful wedding (read: one that goes smoothly, without any major glitches) is in the planning. Small things go wrong at every wedding. But keep in mind that you can save yourself from migraine headaches and crying spells by making a plan and simply sticking with it. These simple tips will help you take some of the stress away (or at least minimize it!).

1. Lose the Laziness
One mistake that many couples make is basking in the glow of their engagement until 4-6 months before their wedding date. Then they try to cram all of the planning into a too-short period of time. Of course you should just sit back and be thrilled about your engagement for a while, but then you've gotta get cracking!

2. Buy a Calendar or Datebook
Once you determine your wedding date, set specific dates by which you want to get things accomplished. For example, you got engaged in June, and your wedding date is April 24. On August 31, mark in that you want to have the ceremony location and reception hall reserved. Try to get as much done as possible in the first few months so that the last few months won't be hectic.

3. Set Aside Time
Choose a day of the week when you'll focus on the wedding details, or several days if you're pressed for time. Sit down together and plan. This eliminates confusion -- i.e., the groom thinking he's supposed to call and check on hall rentals when the bride already has it narrowed down to what will suit their needs.

4. Share Duties
This is the best way to get things done. You both should be involved every step of the way. Make a list of details to be taken care of, then divide the list in half. Each of you choose what you want to do. This will make grooms want to be involved, instead of making them feel like they have to help. Sure, your sweetie probably isn't concerned with exactly which flowers you carry. And maybe you're not picky about what tuxedos he and the guys wear (or maybe you are!). But involving your husband-to-be will make him feel that it's his wedding, too -- something he helped plan, not just something he has to show up at. Which brings us to...

5. Talk, Talk, Talk
We can't stress this enough. Be sure that if you're sharing duties that you're also sharing the details. It's okay to take care of certain things by yourself, just make sure you're telling each other about it so the caterer isn't contracted with twice!

6. Be Flexible
Okay. So you really didn't want the groom/ushers in those tails and top hats. And maybe he doesn't want the cake to be lemon with pecan icing (!). Each of you is going to want things that the other doesn't care for, but flexibility is a must. Be willing to bend. If you really object to something, let your objection be duly heard and noted. Just give the other person a chance to explain why he/she really wants to arrive at the reception in a hot tub in the back of the limo.

7. Details, Contracts, and Negotiations
When dealing with wedding professionals (caterers, florists, etc.), be sure to clarify all the details and your expectations during the initial discussions. Make sure you get a contract specifically stating dates, times, and locations. Be sure to include what you feel is appropriate dress, and what you feel isn't. Spell out everything. Try to negotiate the best deal for goods and services, but don't sell yourself short on important things just to get a better price.

Most importantly, be sure to read the fine print on every contract before you sign it, and make sure you're aware of cancellation policies and fees. Also ask if there's a grace period to cancel just in case you change your mind or something happens and you need to postpone the wedding (you never know).

April 2005

Is a Photographer’s Assistant Essential?

by the editors at Modern Bride magazine

Is an assistant necessary? Our photographer wants to bring one.

We took this question to Jinsey Dauk, a professional shutterbug in New York City. Dauk’s response? ”My answer is yes! Some assistants just carry heavy equipment, which frees up the main photographer. The less grunt work, the more she can focus on getting the best photos. Sometimes a photographer will bring a shooting assistant instead, who can catch shots that the photographer might miss, or snap formal portraits while the photographer takes candids. As long as the photographer remains in control, assistants can be extremely valuable. After all, your photographer needs to be efficient, organized and quick.”

March 2005

Should My Parents Have a Say?

by Lisa Milbrand of Modern Bride.com

 My parents are paying for most of the wedding, and they’re insisting that they should get a say in the plans. Should they?

 In a fantasy world, your family would cough up the dough and say magnanimously, ”Use it as you will, dear.” After all, you’re thinking, this is your day, right? But if your parents are footing the bill, then it’s their party, too, and as the official hosts they have every right to dictate a few details. (In all likelihood, they’ve been dreaming of this day even longer than you have.)

The best plan is to sit down and talk with your parents (or both sets, if both are making contributions to the cost) before you book a single thing. Tell them how grateful you are for their kind and generous gift and that you hope they’ll let you plan the wedding of your dreams. If they don’t agree to give you your wedding—your way—you’ll have to decide if you want to turn your back on the dough and plan the whole thing on what you and your fiancé can afford, or accept the cash with all those strings attached.

February 2005

Must I Invite Co-Workers?

by Anita K. Henry of Modern Bride

 Do my fiancé and I have to invite our bosses and coworkers to our wedding?

 The first question you should ask yourself is, do you have room on the guest list for them? If you’re planning a small wedding or really can’t afford additional guests, nix the office invites across the board. If you do have space for a few people from work, consider limiting the invites to your boss and/or assistant.

It’s a nice gesture and a good way to keep the invites to a minimum. A larger wedding or budget should give you more flexibility, but before you turn your reception into a replica of the office Christmas party, consider the following questions: 1) Which work buddies do you socialize with outside of the office? These office mates are no longer mere coworkers; they’re friends, and should be on your list. 2) Do you have a close-knit group of coworkers with whom you eat lunch on a regular basis?

Consider adding these folks if space allows. Once you’ve decided who makes the cut, ask the invitees to keep the wedding chat to a minimum so other coworkers don’t feel slighted.
 

December 2004-- Tips on Tipping
by Amy Gordon of TheKnot.com

So, you feel pretty confident that you've completed calculating costs for the big day. But wait -- before you close that budget binder, did you remember to include tips? Technically, no one should expect tips, but many vendors will since tipping has become standard practice. Depending on where you're getting married, the protocol will vary. Here is a simple rule of the thumb: you tip employees, not owners.

Don't add pressure to your wedding day -- designate someone to be in charge of tipping. The host of the event (often a dad) or the wedding consultant is the perfect person for the job. Or you can offer this responsibility to the maid of honor or best man (since a tux often has several pockets and a bridal gown has none).

ADVANCE PREP
The last thing you want at the end of your reception is someone having to count out cash when offering the tips. Set aside pre-determined amounts beforehand and place them in labeled envelopes. This way, your gratuity guy or gal simply has to hand over the designated envelopes, leaving little room for error. Having an additional envelope with a bit more cash is not a bad idea either -- that way, if the bill is higher than expected, or someone really went the extra mile for you or a guest, you can be sure to take care of it right then and there.

GET THE 411
Before you just start dolling out money, however, find out about the tipping policies. Talk to the hotel or club manager at your reception site to see how tips are normally handled. Also find out if a service charge is included in the total on your bill. If so, you don't need to offer an additional tip. Remember, it's completely acceptable to have these kinds of conversations with your vendors, preferably at the time you sign a contract, rather than the day of the wedding. You can only know what people are expecting if you ask them.

So who are these lucky recipients of your generosity? We'll begin with the first person you may encounter and then walk through the rest of the day.

 

November 2004--  Secrets of Dress Shopping
by the editors at Modern Bride magazine

Your wedding dress is the ultimate fashion statement to be remembered for years to come. But it'll end up costing you about 10 percent of your final budget. So read these terrific tips and prepare yourself before you plunge into the wide world of gowns.

If possible, start shopping six to eight months before the wedding. This time frame will allow you to find and order the dress, have it made and delivered, and attend to two rounds of fittings.

To get started, seek out a few good salons. Ask recent brides for recommendations and check store listings on ads for dresses you like. (Remember to check out shops with the Better Business Bureau; if they have several unanswered complaints, move on!) Most brides visit four or five stores, though three is usually plenty. If you find a dress you fall for (and can afford) on the first stop, look no further. Most gals try on about 16 or 17 dresses before finding their fashion fit.

Most salons ask you to make appointments in advance so that one of their staffers can give you her undivided attention. Leave plenty of time to try on gowns don't try to squeeze it into your lunch hour.

When you're ready to shop, do it looking your best. You want to wear the dress not the other way around. Style your hair (no need to hit the salon) and put on a little makeup. A touch of lip color and mascara will keep the lights (and white dress) from wiping the color out of your face.

To get yourself in gear, check out who and what savvy brides bring along with them on the dress hunt:

One honest person. You don't need a jury of 12 giving its verdict. They'll never agree, and you'll end up dazed and confused. So bring someone who will tell you what looks good and what doesn't.
Lots of inspiration. Bring photos from fashion stories, ads, your grandma's wedding album-anything to give a salon staffer an idea of what you want. Your consultant will pull gowns she thinks you'll love based on the info you give her. (If there's a particular dress you're drooling over, fax a copy of the pic so the salon can tell you if it carries that designer and style.)
The right footgear. Decide how high your heels will be. Will you splurge on designer stilettos, or opt for foot-friendly flats? Wear similar-height shoes to your fitting so you can see how they work, and the seamstress can hem your gown to just the right length.
A dress-friendly bra. Most salons have a corset on hand you can borrow, but you'll need to bring the right bra to your first fitting. The salon staff can tell you what to get for your dress and body type.
Your Action Plan
Don't let the elation of nailing the perfect gown cloud your business acumen. Cover these important topics before you buy:

Tailored details. Will a seamstress alter the dress where you buy it, or do you need to find your own tailor? If the store has an alteration service, find out how much it will cost and how long it will take.
Delivery dates. Be sure your dress will arrive well before the wedding. For peace of mind, some brides fudge their wedding date, telling the salon it's a few weeks earlier. If you're in a major hurry (your wedding's in six weeks), a retailer can rush delivery-for a price. Or you can ask to see a store's informal collection of trainless, more casual dresses for sale right off the rack.
Money matters. Once you find the one, you'll have to fork over a deposit of up to 50 percent. Read the payment policy thoroughly: You'll want to know if your deposit is refundable (most aren't), and exactly when you're required to make the payments.
Take-home treat. Request a fabric swatch so you can match your shoes, veil and other accessories. In many cases, accessories must be special-ordered. It may be weeks before you have them, so plan ahead and start searching right after you've found your dress. Take a picture of yourself in the dress to show your hair stylist (so she can create the perfect 'do) and your pals. It's also smart to bring your headpiece for your trial run with the hairdresser.

October 2004--

Ten Things that Absolutely Do Matter
Written by Brina Jannenga Wedding Shower Gifts San Marcos, CA USA

1) You're feet! By all means, bring a change of shoes. No one will see the cute little sneakers you are wearing under that big dress! Wear them while you are taking pictures and dancing at the reception.

2) Have a way to pin up the back of your dress. If you plan on dancing, you will need to get all that fabric off the floor. Make sure it is really secure because you will get tripped on and stepped on plenty that day.

3) Thank your family! With the sea of faces you don't see very often, you may overlook the people closest to you.

4) Eat! Don't forget to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's going to be a long day and you don't want to get sick for the honeymoon.

5) Relax. Get your girls together in a quiet place, light some candles, play some soft music and reflect on the importance of staying in each moment.

6) Smile and avoid making silly faces. There are cameras everywhere!

7) Take time to pose for photographs. Don't rush through the photo sessions. While you will be ancy to get back to the party, your wedding photographs are an important keepsake for generations to come.

8) Your undergarments. Make sure your corsett does not make an appearance everytime you move. This is the last thing you should be worrying about.

9) Don't drink alcohol. A glass before the ceremony might calm your nerves but don't drink that day. Everything goes by too quick as it is and you'll want to be 100% there for everything!

10) Most of all, tell your guy how happy he has made you and how much you are looking forward to the rest of your lives

September 2004--

How Do I Position My Remarried Parents?
by Lisa Milbrand

My divorced parents are both remarried. How do I work the ceremony seating and the receiving line?

If everyone's comfortable with it, your mother and father can sit in the first row with their respective spouses. But if they need a little space between them, put Mom in the first row with her hubby, and your dad and his wife in the second row. If relations between the two parents are particularly tense, put Mom in the front row, some of her close relatives in the second (your grandparents, for example) and your father and his wife in the third.

The purpose of a receiving line is to be gracious hosts and hostesses, and meet and greet your guests. Having a large group of VIPs means that the receiving line drags on, keeping everyone standing—which is not exactly gracious entertaining. So keep the line lean. Some couples, even those with intact families, choose to have just the mothers of the bride and groom in line; fathers and stepparents mingle with the crowd, greeting guests as they go

August 2004--

April 2004 -- 

What Are Some Cheaper Centerpiece Options?    by Lisa Milbrand
 We're on a very, very tight budget, so we don't have the money for lavish flower centerpieces. How can we dress up our tables inexpensively?
     Start by recycling anything and everything you can. Snatch the bouquets from your bridesmaids and turn them into centerpieces for some of your tables. Your ceremony decorations can moonlight as reception centerpieces, too-as long as your house of worship doesn't require that you donate them to the congregation after the ceremony.
    Flowers aren't the only natural choice for decor. Line pretty baskets or bowls with moss and fill with fruit (or a mix of fruit and flowers) for a lush look. Or put out tiny pots of flowering plants, like African violets, which your guests can take home as favors.
    Candlelight adds a lot of ambience for a very small cost. Put a few votives on each table with a bit of ivy or a satin ribbon draped around them. Or scatter some rose petals around the tablecloth. You could also use candlesticks of varying sizes for an eclectic, romantic look.
    Even your choice of tablecloths can make a huge difference. If your site provides the linens, ask if they have overlays in colors that match yours. Just placing a fabric square in a vivid color over simple white cloths will really brighten up the room.
    Or try something really different and create centerpieces from objects you already own: grab your favorite framed childhood pictures and arrange a few on each table for a sentimental look.
    Key into your interests-bookworms can stack antique volumes among the candles; vintage collectors can put out a few of their favorite things, whether ginger jar vases or antique dolls. You'll have your cheap centerpieces, and your guests will be able to learn something about you.
 

March 2004
Wedding Cake Shopping

The wedding cake receives attention when guests arrive to the reception site.  Usually before or after they sit down, they look around the room and notice the cake. Many brides and grooms think that people won't notice their cake so they pick a plain, boring cake. Other brides and grooms think that people never eat the cake so why care about the taste. From experience, we know that if the bride and groom does not care about the look or taste of the cake, be assured that the guests will know. Remember: A beautiful or delicious cake is remembered by many people making your wedding memorable.  

Tips:

• Review a portfolio of the baker's wedding cakes. This is a very important step. Some bakeries do not specialize in wedding cakes, pictures will help you decide whether they can reach your expectations.

• Discuss pricing, the amount of each deposit and due dates, and when the final payment will be expected.  Most wedding cake specialists have this information and other details such as cancellation and rental policies in writing.

• Inquire about the flavors, fillings and icing options offered.

• Ask to see thank you notes or feedback from customers.

• If you have a large number of guests or on a low budget, consider having a half sheet cake (stored in the kitchen) in addition to your showcase wedding cake.

•  When should you book your wedding cake?  Depending on the area you live, plan to interview the baker about 60 to 90 days before the wedding or as soon as you like to confirm the date. Some bakeries and cake specialists only take one or a couple bookings per date, some take several so be sure they have availability for your wedding date.

February 2004
Planning

January 2004
Invitations

December 2003
Wedding Guest Books

November 2003
Trends in Ceremonies
What's hot from coast to coast   by Karissa D'Ambrosio of Modern Bride.com

All across the country brides and grooms like you are getting married. What's the latest and greatest in weddings? Modern Bride tracked the trends by talking to vendors from coast to coast. Here, what's hot in ceremonies.

Great days to marry

• Weekday weddings are on the rise. Saturdays and Sundays are still the most popular, but Monday to Friday weddings, when vendors lower their prices, are becoming prevalent, too.

• Although the June bride is considered the most common, she's not. Our latest information reveals that more brides marry in July and August. There's also been an increase in fall and winter weddings.

Ceremonial sensations

• Couples are adding minichoirs and soloists to the ceremonial program. At a recent Rhode Island wedding, a choir sang "Amazing Grace" (then got a standing ovation).

• Brides and grooms are including more personal touches like writing their own vows. Some have personalized ceremonies written for them. One San Francisco couple wanted its officiant to talk about the pair's personalities. So the officiant highlighted career differences (she works for a nonprofit organization, and he for a bank) and joked that "he knows how to make money and she knows how to spend it."

• Some couples write each other love letters before the ceremony. Then, without sneaking a peek, they hand them over to the officiant to be read at the ceremony.

• Many couples are spending more time with their officiants before the wedding, not only to personalize the ceremony, but to discuss the importance of the spiritual commitment they are going to make and how to overcome any challenges their marriage may encounter.

October 2003

Don't Burn Your Toast---
by Gary Drevitch of Modern Bride

August 2003

Menus: 7 Simple but Special Ideas

THIS MONTH'S TIP..... "We got engaged....so NOW WHAT???"

May 2003:  To Smash or not to Smash?                       Written by April Perry, Ultimate Weddings

April 2003:    Wedding Songs/ First Dance Songs:

    In March of 2003, readers of Modern Bride magazine ranked their top 10 wedding/first dance songs.  Below is a listing of what their readers chose.  Thatweddingsite.com thought it would be fun to come up with our own top 10 list.  You'll notice that our list could also be called the "Classic List"...as it does show our age just a little bit....but like us... classic love songs.... always stand the test of time.  With today's wedding fashions & trends being geared to "Retro" style...we thought the timing of our selections couldn't have been better.....plus I'm sure even your parents could select a couple off the lists. 

MODERN BRIDE READERS' TOP 10 PICKS

1. At Last, by Etta James;     2. A Moment Like This, by Kelly Clarkson;     3. Amazed, by Lone Star;     4. From This Moment, by Shania Twain;     5. Keeper of the Stars, by Tracey Bird;     6. I Could Not Ask for More, by Edwin McCain;     7. Me and You, by Kenny Chesney;     8. When you Say Nothing at All, by Allison Krauss;     9. It's Your Love, by Tim McGraw & Faith Hill;     10. The Way you Look Tonight, by Tony Bennett

THATWEDDINGSITE.COM EDITORS' TOP 10+ PICKS:

1. (You look) Wonderful Tonight, by Eric Clapton (a personal favorite);    2. A Moment Like This, by Kelly Clarkson;    3. What a Wonderful World, by Louis Armstrong ;        4. True Companion, by Marc Cohn
5. Can't help Falling In Love with You, by Elvis Presley, UB40, Pearl Jam ;    6. From This Moment, by Shania Twain;     7. Here & Now, by Luther Vandross ;     8. I Hope You Dance, by Leann Womack;      9. Love Will Keep us Alive, by The Eagles;    10. Through the Years, by Kenny Rodgers;    11. Unforgettable, by Nat King Cole with Natalie Cole;    12. Can You Feel The Love Tonight, by Elton John;    13. Unchained Melodey, by the Righteous Brothers;    14. Way You Look Tonight, by Harry Connick/Tony Bennet/ Frank Sinatra;    15. You are So Beautiful, Joe Cocker;    17. Your Love Amazes Me, by John Berry

March 2003: 
Wedding Gowns: and Spring 2003 Fashions

    Before we get into this year's wedding gown trends, we wanted to cover a couple tips for shopping for your gown around NW Ohio. There are several elegant and professional bridal shops in our area and most boast a wonderful business reputation of style, value, and expertise. Many of them are exclusive distributors of the designers they carry, which means you cannot get them from anyone else around the area.

    Be very leery of any bridal shop that suggests that you go to another shop and get the designer and style number off of a dress or a picture of it and then come back to them. Roughly translated, this means.... "I am not authorized to carry that line.... but I might be able to get it illegally".....or " I am not authorized to carry that line... but I might be able to create a 'knock off' of the original and sell it to you as original". Either way, it could spell out problems for you. Be sure to check to see if your shop IS actually an authorized distributor of your designer. If not, they should be professional enough to tell you so. AND..... anyone that tells you to go shop their competition to find what you want....but then they want you to come back to them to make your purchase, is telling you they want your business but don't want to provide the service to earn it. Be sure to check the professionalism and integrity of your bridal shop. The dress is what every little girls' dream starts with....an unprofessional bridal gown consultant could turn your dream into a nightmare.

     This season, the Bridal Fashion runways were filled with awe-inspiring looks sure to charm any bride. And as always, our editors were there to catch every gorgeous moment. Here are just some of the incredible trends to watch out for.

    Just when you thought lace couldn't get any hotter, this intricate fabric -- as cool as it is traditional -- gives gowns the sizzle factor. This year, it's all about the peek-a-boo element, with inserts of see-through lace turning up the heat on even the most conventional styles. Whether showing off a sexy shoulder, a delicate decolletage, or even a lot of leg, lace has the ability to hint at skin without making Grandma blush.
    On gowns, everything's coming up roses -- and just about every other flower you can imagine. While beaded and embroidered blossoms have always had their places in the wedding world, never before have designers embraced this organic element with such fervor, and in such creative ways. Some designers gave their gowns a burst with one dramatic bloom, creating a focal point at the bodice or waist. Others went for an all-over garden effect, using hand-cut appliques to cover the dress from head to toe, all-over embossing of the fabric, and even floral prints. A far cry from Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, these fashion-forward florals are anything but fussy.
    Gather around -- ruching (where the fabric is folded and tucked) has become this season's must-have fashion detail, as it gives any dress a little architectural interest and a lot of fantastic texture. The linear effect of the right kind of ruching has the ability to create curves where there are none, and it can slim the hips when draped diagonally. In some cases ruching adorns (and updates) otherwise simple bodices, while still maintaining clean, modern lines on the gowns. But the most forward-thinking designers use ruching solely as an artistic form, putting a touch in the most unconventional places.
    Kick up your heels for a whole new skirt shape. For years, classic and contemporary brides have favored the A-line skirt. This year, designers updated the silhouette with a slight flair toward the hem. The new modified A-line offers the flattery of the original with the stylish swish of a trumpet skirt. The true ingenuity of the new shape is that each designer has his or her own take: For some, the skirt leans toward a fuller A, while others created a sexier "come up and see me sometime" curve. Any way you like it, it's one of this season's most beautiful (and most wearable) looks.
    Gone are days when a princess bride had to sacrifice movement for a stiff, structured ball gown -- now she's free to dance the night away with ease. Designers unveiled softer, lighter ball gown skirts in delicate taffetas and layers of airy laces and chiffons instead of heavier silks and satins. But don't worry that you're getting less for your money -- these skirts are as voluptuous as ever, with endless lightweight layers helping to make a grand entrance.
    Sure, the groom wants to get his hands on the bride, but never before quite like this. Fantastic textured, touchable fabrics are at the frontline this season -- some, we're pleased to see, making their bridal debut. From funky leather gowns (a biker chick's dream) to sporty cotton pique (adorned with delicate embroidery and beading for feminine appeal) to the creme de la creme, super-luxe suede, the hand of the dress is almost as important as the look. Now doesn't that feel nice?

-- This feature was written by Joanna Saltz of TheKnot.com  with contributions from TWS staffers

The Guest List: Inviting Kids (or Not)

Deciding whether to make your wedding guest list adults-only can cause as much stress as planning the perfect proposal or choosing a gown. On the one hand, you don't want to seem like the Wicked Witch of the West or Dr. Evil, but on the other, you're not Mary Poppins or Mr. Rogers, either. The following reasons for inviting and not inviting kids -- plus our tips for making either scenario run smoothly -- should help you make up your mind.

THE KID-FRIENDLY ZONE
    There are plenty of good things about having tiny wedding guests. Here are a few:

• It's your wedding day and everyone's there to honor your new life together. A marriage ceremony is all about the gathering of family and friends, and having children there will only add to the special meaning of the day.

• Remember when you were a kid how fun it was to dance with Daddy, or how special it was to carry the ring down the aisle? Your wedding, too, can create wonderful memories for kids (and provide them with great stories and props for Show & Tell).

• You're dying to meet your college roommate's four-year-old daughter, but they live across the country. Or, your aunt has only once had the opportunity to spend time with your brother's two kids. If you invite these children to your wedding, everyone can finally enjoy long-overdue introductions and reunions -- not to mention the fact that the children themselves may form lasting friendships with one another.

• If you or your fiance(e) have particularly special children in your lives -- a namesake, nieces and nephews, a godchild -- asking them to be a part of your big day shows them, and all your other guests, how important they are to you.

• If you're a bit shy of the limelight, a cute flower girl or ring bearer can attract guests' attention, maybe taking some of the pressure off of you (even if only in your head!).

• If you invite them, you don't have to deal with guests who are upset because you didn't.

KID-FRIENDLY TIPS

• Hire a babysitter to watch them during the ceremony (have him or her sit with small kids in a separate room, if necessary).

• Set up a children's table or room at the reception, complete with favors, crayons, coloring books, small toys, and games.

• Ask your caterer to prepare kid meals so they don't have to eat -- and you don't have to pay for -- grown-up meals.

• Consider hiring special children's entertainment, such as a caricaturist or clown. The performance/activity can even take place in another room.

THE KID-FREE ZONE

Okay, so there are also some downsides to having little ones as guests. Keep these in mind:

• You want a serious, intimate ceremony and a reception that's a major party. Kids of any age might cramp your style.

• It's your wedding and everyone's there to honor you and your fiancé(e) -- the last thing you want is a freckle-faced flower girl stealing all your "oohs" and "aahs." Yes, there is the possibility that your thunder will be stolen (if only temporarily), either as you proceed down the aisle or during the first dance, when some kid screams, rattles toys/keys, or cutely dances with another kid, pulling all eyes off of you. If these scenarios send a chill down your spine, think twice.

• Money doesn't grow on trees, and weddings ain't cheap. Kids can be picky eaters, and keeping them off the guest list avoids wasting costly catered food.

• Most children don't like to (or can't) sit still for any length of time, and when they're forced to, they're prone to throw fits. As such, you run the risk of having your vows disrupted by a screaming toddler or ending up with a wedding video that features five-year-old fighting ninjas.

• Parents may have a better time at the wedding--and stay longer--if they don't have to keep an eye on their kids.

• You can't possibly invite everyone's children, and picking and choosing would offend the parents of those who aren't asked to attend. The best way to avoid ruffling feathers is to not invite any.

KID-FREE TIPS

• Make sure the outer and inner envelopes of your invitations are addressed in such a way that it's clear children aren't included ("Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Anderson" as opposed to "The Anderson Family"). If anyone RSVPs with their kids anyway, it's okay to call and gently explain your preference.

• Let close friends and relatives know about your "no children policy" and ask them to spread the word to other guests.

• If out-of-towners are bringing children along for the trip, help them to arrange babysitters at their hotels (many hotels even have a list of recommended sitters).

• Stand your ground and make no exceptions.

• If you find yourself firmly decided one way or the other, you know what to do. If you're on the fence, you might want to leave the door open to child guests and let their parents decide whether or not to bring them. Either way, be prepared.

-- This article is written by Sue Bruskin Clarke

January 2003 Tip -- Guestbook Ideas

I have been getting a great response from all of our upcoming brides, and rather than a “tip” this month, I have decided to answer the most asked questions. Keep watching and sending those emails, so I can answer YOUR question. Happy Planning!!!!
    Question #1: My fiancé and I have lived together for some time now and have all the household items, etc. we need. How can I let guests know we prefer and could really use gifts of money instead?

Something Old, Something New...
    Brides of the Old World wore Blue on their wedding day as a symbol of love, fidelity, and purity. If the bride borrowed anything from a happily married women, it was thought to transfer her good fortune and joy to the soon-to-be bride. These customs are thought to be ancient Hebrew traditions.
    Also found written that this old english rhyme symbolizes Continuity, optimism for the future, borrowed happiness, and fidelity and good fortune. Blue is also the color of purity and love

Ring of Love
    A stone, filled with the "fires of love" is why the diamond has become the symbol of engaged couples everywhere. No other stone can portray the intensity and strength of true love so well.
    The ring of gold ,a symbol of lasting beauty, purity, and strength, itself has been a symbol of the joining of a man and woman as a perfect union since the Egyptians used it in hieroglyphics to portray eternity. A never-ending circle, a perfect symbol for an everlasting love of the heart.
    The Romans furthered this tradition By choosing the third finger on the left hand as the place for this most special ring. It was believed that the "vena amoris", the vein of love ran from this finger directly to the heart.

The Wedding Cake
    The wedding cake in Roman times was broken over the brides head to wish the couple a life of plenty. Guests would gather crumbs for good luck.
    In Medieval England the Multi-tiered wedding cake was conceived from the tradition of the guests of the bride and groom bringing small cakes for the reception and placing them in a pile on a table. The bride and groom were to kiss for good luck over the cakes. To help keep the pile together, the cakes were iced to each other, making the first tiered cake.

AUGUST 2002's TIP.... Hiring a Caterer

    Many reception halls will require that your use their caterer or that you select from a list of their authorized caterers. If you are "shopping" for caterers, this information should help. Keep in mind that a good caterer should be flexible and eager to work with you to plan your perfect event. First impressions don't necessarily tell the whole story, but after your initial meeting ask yourself, "Did I like them?" If your personalities clash, or if something seems amiss, find someone else. You won't have time to start from scratch later. Then, after you cover the basics (Are you available on my wedding day? Can I afford you? Do I like your food?), don't forget to ask these important questions:

• Do you have a catering license and liability insurance? 

• Can I get some references? 

• Can I taste your food? 

• How big are the portions? 

• Will you provide tables, dinnerware, flatware, glasses, tablecloths? 

• Can you help with decorations? 

• How many service people will be on hand? 

• Who will be in charge while the meal is served? 

• What are the hidden costs, such as cake cutting, overtime, tax and tip? 

• What are the financial arrangements?

After meeting and speaking with a few caterers, compare your notes on each. All the information you gathered should help find the right caterer for you. 1 big thought to keep in mind..... while it's great to get someone's personal opinion (a friend or relative) on who they used or liked..... your tastes may be different than theirs so give it the weight it deserves in making your decision.

    A lot of brides ask me if it is necessary to have the bridesmaids all wear the exact same dress and color, as well as carry the exact same bouquets.
    You know your wedding party best. Often they come from every part of your life starting with a childhood friend, high school buddy, college roommate, co-worker, possibility the groom's sister, etc, why not let them pick the dress they wish to wear? Of course, you could select the color shade and designer, but then let them select from 2 or more different dress styles. Many designers offer lines of similar looking dresses with slight differences ( ie: the bodice, hem, sleeve, straps, neckline, trains, etc). These slight differences can match each bridesmaids' personality. From neckline to waistline, your bridesmaids will look like the individual that they are, and bring the part of your life into the wedding that they shared with you.
    If you are completely against having different styles of dresses, thy this: Select the bouquet to represent the type of personality that each maid has. Maybe that wild and crazy friend could carry wildflowers. Your calm and efficient friend could carry a bouquet of only roses, your whimsical friend could carry freesia, your bubbly friend could carry fresh spring tulips. Then, have all the flowers that each of your bridesmaids are carrying combined into your bouquet, pulling each maids' flowers and personalities into your bouquet.
    This is a fun way to let each bridesmaid stand at your side, as they have in your single life, and not lose their individuality at your wedding.

JUNE 2002's  TIP.....WORKING THE RECEPTION CROWD.... 
    There is one little truth that comes with every wedding reception, You will probably not get a chance to spend a few quality minutes talking to each of your guests. The reception will keep you busy with the traditional events such as cutting the cake, the first dance, etc. The evening goes by quickly, and so do the faces. The best approach is to prioritize whom you want to visit with most. For most couples this will be those special out of town guests, or special friends or relatives that you don't get to see too often. Put these people in first, to make sure you get your moments. Mind you, you won't get alot of time with them, but this little one to one time will make their extra effort to be there worthwhile to them. Once you've visited with these folks, a great way to work the rest of the room is for the couple to try and visit from table to table. This will give the most complete coverage of your wedding guests. Usually right as dinner is ending, and before the ceremonial items begin is the best time to try and do this. Another great time is during the "bridal dance" or "dollar dance". While some of you may not like the idea of people paying to dance with you, it does provide a special moment with many of your guests. Inevitably, you will run into someone you don't remember... have a special signal set up with your new spouse. Example....tugging your ear or a special word that let's them know..."I have no idea who this is" and let your new spouse rescue you by introducing themselves. The other person will of course respond by saying their name. It will hide an otherwise embarrassing moment. Most importantly, find a little time to spend with your new mate. This is YOUR day, and sometimes it's hard to remember to take a few moments alone together. If you are having a large reception (300+) consider a receiving line if you are concerned with seeing all your guests. This will cut into YOUR time at the reception, but it will ensure that you get to greet each guest as they arrive before dinner. If you have any creative suggestions, we'd love to hear them and share them with your fellow brides and grooms "to be".

ORDERING AND SENDING...
    Aim to order your invites at least three or four months before the wedding. This will give you leeway in case of an error. But note that earlier is even better if you're sending invites abroad, are juggling "A" and "B" lists or want to get a head start on addressing that sea of envelopes.
    Check the facts. Your printer will give you a proof copy before he prints your order. READ IT CAREFULLY....THEN...READ IT AGAIN. Give it to a bridesmaid to read. It'll cost you plenty-both money and stress-to change your father's name from "Joan" to "John" once the invites have been printed.
    Order more invitations than you'll think you'll need. The cost is in the setup charges, so it's always better to have a few extras than to go into a second printing. Count the number of addresses rather than people, since couples and families warrant just one invite each. Then order another 10 percent on top of that.
    Order extra envelopes as well. Go for about 25 percent more envelopes than the number of invites you order-both inner and outer-so you can mess up your calligraphy and still not come up short. Ask to have the envelopes sent to you ahead of time, if possible, so you can start addressing them at a leisurely pace while the invitations are being printed.
    Address them beautifully. Don't fret if you can't afford a professional calligrapher to do the handiwork. Use your own best handwriting-guests will love the personal touch-or ask pals with great penmanship to help you out. Buy a few pens you really love to make the job more inspiring.
    Hit the post office. Have a fully stuffed invitation weighed before you buy stamps; heavy or oversized envelopes cost more than 33 cents to mail-and you just don't have time to deal with resending invitations as they bounce back to you for insufficient postage. Also be sure to put stamps on the response card envelopes that are to be mailed back to you.
    Mail invites six to eight weeks before the wedding. And keep an organized list of RSVPs as responses come in. (This is a great duty for mom to take on if she's game. Have the RSVP cards sent to her house for one less thing to worry about.)